six letters

2009-10-09T21:57:00.001+08:00

i miss you unprivateeeee! :( huhu

relink me, people or whatever.

http://gatriarchibald.onsugar.com/

i think i will restart blogging here again. hehehe

2009-08-31T20:03:00.000+08:00

ive moved to http://gatriarchibald.onsugar.com/
visit or not its up to you.
because i am pathetic, i prefer to talk to non-living things.
such a loser. hahahaha.
so the website is made to distribute everything i have to throw out but i couldnt verbalise it properly.
xoxo.

I'm wanting you but can't go back.

2009-08-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

Yay! Common tests are officially oveeeeeeeeeeerr!
Lets celebrate with three bottles of heineken!
-.-

I can finally 'breathe'!
Yeah, all this while ive been suffocated i cant even think clearly.
My worries have flown far far away, for now.
Hahahaha.

The three subjects i feared the most (hist, science, math) turned out to be more manageable than the rest.
Why am i never good at english?!
The summary part, when i was supposed to write around 120 words, was magically done by gatria.
I was running out of time so i just listed down any points i saw and summarized them.
Lazy or what. Haih.
And i write total craps for literature.
The passage i read and learnt the most didnt come out in test at all!
Mother tongue was okay i guess.
Zz.

I can breathe!
And im gonna smile as much as i can now.
It eases me in everything i do.
Ok, meyepek.

I just dont want to cry.
Mark this line, hon.

Im gonna abandon this blogger soon.
Eeyeeekaking ah this blogger.
Useless shit.

2009-08-24T15:14:00.000+08:00

Two subjects down.
(without failure to screw them, of course -.-)
Its okay, four more to go.
Go gatri go!
I think i should eat vitamin or smth to make me want to study.
Ooooohh im so lazzzyyyyyy idk what the heeeeell is wrong with me!
I joyfully say to my parents that im having my common tests this week.
And im hungreh :(

I seriously need to abandon my phone.
Stop going online, gatria!

2009-08-21T19:27:00.001+08:00

Semua mua mua, everyone two three!
Hehehe. Im back!
Its been quite some times since i last posted. Miss me? Haha
Its an achievement for me you knoooww :D
Its solely because blogger was testing my patience and it just did about two mins ago!
It didnt save what i typed out wholeheartedly! Asshole.
Im so pissed i left blogger for prata and im so sinful but its okay.
Im one happy kid thus i forgive blogger. Haha
*inhaling, getting ready to type out everything from starting again*

I forgive blogger cause i want people to do the same thing to me.
This post is specifically intended to everyone out there, whether you like or dislike me, love or loathe me, care or ignore my existence, whoever you are thats now on this page of mine, reading this.
I solemnly apologise for any offensive doings that ive commited. Intentionally or unintentionally.
Be it offensive words that ive uttered, nasty acts that ive done, totally unacceptable behaviour of mine and such.
I believe that there are abundance of people out there who will go "ugh" when they catch a mere glance of my nose.
Who wants to live in others spectacle?
Well, i honestly dont want to.

Therefore i profusely, sincerely apologise.
Gatria is no other than an ordinary girl afterall.
She makes mistakes without giving them much thought.
I wouldnt want to hurt people around me in any substantive ways.
If i knew i would hurt them, i would rather do nothing at all. Really.

I write all these things not for the sake of getting peoples attentions, trust me.
Im giving myself a chance to renew, refresh, be better.
We only live once, right?
:)

Thanks for listening.
These words came from my deepest.

On a brighter note (red note! I love red!), had so much fun today!
Being surrounded by my greates girls prevails all the negativities that seem to have planted their roots on my cells.
When i am with them, i realise that my life would be completely incomplete with them.
I infinitely love them!
:D

Burnt quite of calories today but i just ruined everything with a piece of prata and curry.
Its alright. Hahaha.

Gotta mug hard for common tests which start next week.
The books are fixing a stare on me.
I can hear them silently screaming.
Hahahaha.

And before i forget,
Happy fasting month for all muslims in the world!
:D

Ok, have a good night, everybody and head!
Will update soon!
Loves.

2009-08-16T18:26:00.000+08:00

Woah.
I love the weather this evening.
I was sitting by the window with a banana and suddenly took my phone just to share this with you lovely people ^^
Wtf.
Dont you like rain in the evening?
It brings me back to my childhood. To my home.
If i sit here for another thirty min i think my tears are gonna accompany me to sleep.
Hahaha. Emo shit.

I have too much to talk about idk where to start.
Im so so so upset i ate kinder bueno white and calbee seaweed and now im going down to buy a tin of potato chips.
Get the idea of how big the mess i am in?

In case you havent known, i gorge everything i see when im upset.
Sad right.

Dont ask why. Im gonna get over it soon.
:)

Like what jerrys doing, jammys gonna make a bet with herself too!
Ahahahahaha, wtf right hannaaaahh i know!
Okay. So.. I tried doing this with fahmi before but fahmi gave up halfway cause he claimed that i was uncontrollable!
Thats why i gave up too!
I have to threaten myself yknw! How sad.
I MUST:
- start hardcore mugging session from tmr onwards. Ct comeeeeenng!
- be ignorant towards all potato chips and chocolate in the whole world
- exercise at least thrice per week
- try to hate ronald mcdonald
- sleep early!
- save money (trust me, this is the hardest!)

I cannot resist shopping cause i already have shopping list in my mind.
Hahahahaha. Guilty pleasure.

Ok, im no good at blogging. Bye.

Terserah.

2009-08-15T21:00:00.002+08:00

exactly three more weeks.
:)

my appetite is far beyond my control.
so ive decided to not care anymore.
im gonna lead a happy happy life since now on.
hehehehe.

gotta hit my books soon.
and my whole body is aching.
idk why im blogging right now, as usual.

so, yeah.
im utterly happy now.
i think thats all i need to say.
:D

and i need food to encourage me and i need money to make me happy.
PAPAAAAAAAAAA FORGIVE ME!

tag replies:
Feenaaa: hey. im having problems linking people right now. link you soon, k? :D
Zhiyun and sihao: thanks! hahaha. its actually an old song but i like. hehe
nabeelah: true! but no one wants to be hurt if they have a choice. haha. dogs dont perspire, they sweat. hahaa. i think :O
joyce: kalo ga rajin, ga nyampe disini say! hahaha. sking rajinnya tuh, di kelas aj krjaannya tidur! haha. santaaayy. ntar kita retail therapy bareng yok abis exams! hahaha

love you.

breathe

2009-08-11T15:30:00.001+08:00

it gets harder and harder to breathe.
give me a break.
its the worst timing to make me do revisions.
let alone homework.
the thought of me failing tests and exams is alr freaking me out.
imagine if i have to face the failures?!
:(

and blogger is getting on my nerves.
its asking me to quickly move to another website.
so most probably im not gonna blog here anymore.
or maybe i will keep my future blog private.
this is because im used to talking to myself.
i love gatria. hahahaha.

if loving you with all my heart is a crime,
then im guilty.
i love you.
even if you refuse to care.
im a strong girl arent i.
zz --"

okok, gotta get back to my books.
i love school.

AEYEEERR. i love everything ah!

26

2009-08-10T12:58:00.004+08:00

26 more days!

life is fantastic :o
im not as weak as i thought.
1001 thank-yous for my fabulous family and friends.
i love love loooovee you guys to bits and pieces.
*kisses*

friday: national day celebration at singapore discovery center. didnt do much. had fun camwhoring. i was so excited that i tripped and almost fell down twice!
went home and ate kinder bueno + a tin of mr potato. went to sleep. headed to gym and met fahmi, nadhir and imran. jogged around the soccer field and fahmi the idiot bullied and left me halfway with nadhir. met isa to play badminton. bought three kinder bueno and a bottle of green tea at sheng shiong. fahmi and nadhir joined isa and me playing badminton. fahmi didnt even know how to play that he played based on what he saw in tv with all the flying techniques and he did it! :o ismail came and played too. tired and satisfied :D
saturday: stayed at home until around 12 then went to isk relatives house. played catching, soccer and ball games until perspired like dog (do dogs perspire that much?). kenduri at night. ate damn lot until bloated. (Y)
sunday: gave church a miss. im a bad girl. isks mom drove us to botanic garden art around 9 and played games there. had fun with little kids ^^ i ate as if i had been prisoned for three years. zz. i just cant control my appetite after recovered from sick. haih. then around 1 met hannah. was supposed to meet her at outram park and when she went out of the train, i went in. how dumber could i get? went to a flea at art museum. it was damn scorching but i survived! went home pennilessly.

the end.

hahaha.
ok, lets summarise what i have to do.
i need to complete dnt powerpoint slides but i have no single clue cause i was absent for four days last last week.
and the teachers were like.. sigh, speechless.
oh! im 99.9% positive about failing my science test. how cool is that?
theres gonna be an underline on my CA2 progress card.
awesome!
malay, art and english tuition homework are roaring now.
and im smelling something good. food, of course.
all i can think about right now is whether i will be strong enough for the next three hours to refrain myself from buying potato chips.
i can feel the vibration of my stomach.
oh maaaaaann, im so screwed!
*smashes my forehead repeatedly*

if someone you love hurts you,
cry him a river, build a bridge and get over it.
this sounds familiar doesnt it?
hmm..

HAHA I KNOW THE PICTS ABOVE SO MEYEPEK.
i was bored ah. zz

omg i attempted to do my malay homework!
the sad thing is, i dont even know how to write in malay properly!
im in an urgent need of help.

2009-08-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU, PAPA! SO MUCH! :*

Talk is cheap.

2009-08-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

Im greatly disappointed. I swear.
Pondering by myself every night has made me realise that losing me is nothing for you.
Its true. You have your wonderful life and friends to care for. To live your life blisfully with. And most importantly, theyre always physically there for you.
I even wonder if i ever exist in your mind for a mere second.
Idk what to say. I cant expect too much, i know.
But have you ever spare a thought for me? Think about how it feels to be in my shoes?
When you give someone your heart, your time, your everything and that someone actually takes it for granted?
Everything has its own limit. So does my patience.
Im done holding on to nothing. Ive given up on you. On us.
Is it too much to ask?
Tell me who i am to you.
Its the same thing all over again.

So ive decided earlier on, i will go on with my life how i did it previously.
Life. Goes. On.
With or without you.

And to anonymous, thank you so much.
For making me smile and for keeping me company.
Im sorry.
Thank God you havent changed when people are gradually changing. Promise me you would never do.

Im glad i have awesome friends around me.
How incomplete my life would be without you guys.
Im saying this sincerely, i dont want to ever lose you guys.
Losing you guys is like losing half of my has-already-been-fragile heart. You guys keep me alive.
I love you and i mean it.

Afterall, this is fate. I cannot change my fate.
No one can.
Im not gonna hold back my tears anymore.
I dont need someone to be there for me just to say "i love you" on daily basis.
Talk is cheap, remember?

go with your whole heart ;)

2009-08-03T19:57:00.002+08:00

i am feeling super contented idk how i can describe my contentedness right now.
looking at how things are, how God has shown me how fortunate i am and how He really loves me, ive realised that i genuinely shouldnt ask for more.
i mean, what else i want from life right?
wonderful people i have by my side almost complete my life.
:)

oh, have i told you how much i love my parents?
i looooooooovve loooooooooooooooooooovvvee looooooooooovvee my parents this much!
*stretches arms until my fingers touch pasir ris land*
thank you mapaaaa, for everything everything everything.
youre the best parents in th whole wide world!
(duuuuuhh, i only have two parents in the whole wide world, of course theyre the best! haha!)

i dont want to let a single shit (fatins favourite words, a single shit) ruin my precious life.
i love things the way they are right now.
with or without you, b.

okay im happy dont disturb me! muuuuuuuuuaaaaacchhs!

bali!

2009-07-30T15:28:00.003+08:00

I AM GOING TO BALI AT THE END OF THIS YEAR!

i love you, papa!

love you more if you ask yopi along.

hahahaha.

2009-07-28T10:44:00.001+08:00

Im so prone to illnesses nowadays. Idk whats happened to me :(
Thanks for the 4-day mc. Im gonna miss two class tests and one presentation.
Why must be now, of all times? Sigh.
I want home and yogurt. Huahaha.

And you know i love you.
But youve changed everything.
Now, have no doubts in ending it.

Love

2009-07-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

xoxo

2009-07-23T17:26:00.008+08:00

Hello, beautiful(s).
Blogger doesnt seem to like me. Tsk.
Its okay. I just feel the urge to blog about yesterday which was my mama's birthday! Yay!

Stupiiddd. I cant make my fonts larger or upload any picts cause im using mobile.
Thats how lazy i am. My laptop its not even 1m away from where i am now -.-

I just want to wish a very very happy (belated) birthday to the most incredible woman of my life. The only reason why im struggling here without her and for her.
Ive been repeating these lines for zillions times but i will never get bored of repeating them.
Thats how much i love you, mama.
From you, ive learnt on how to stay strong even when you are against the whole world. Ive learnt how to be a believer. To be forgiving like how youve forgiven me when i let you down over and over again, when i disappointed you and silently stabbed your kind soul. To stand on my own just like precisely what i am doing now. To be a 'someone' for everyone. To open my eyes widely to see and face this superficial and estoric world enduringly. To be absolutely everything that one day you will proudly prove to a lot of people out there that youre one successful mother in raising your daughters. I profusely apologise for all troubles that ive unintentionally heaped upon you. You know how much i love you, ma. I promise you. I am not stopping until my last breath. Youve been there for me through my ups and downs. Even when i unappreciatively went against you. And thats exactly how im gonna return the favour. Im not gonna do the same mistake that i did two years ago which has brought me, us, to the worst state. Just to let you know, anything disgraceful that ive done to you had been done on impulse. I never ever ever meant to hurt your angelic feeling. I love you and will forever do. I will never be sincere to lose a mama like you. Youre the best, ma :)
On your birthday (yesterday -.-) i prayed that as days pass by, you will be mentally and physically stronger. It doesnt matter if those wrinkles on your face have started growing, they wont dare to shake my love for you. Hahaha. Joking. You are still as pretty as your second daughter is. Cheh. Haha. I know you wont stop debating over whos prettier until i lose. Zz.
And i guarantee, you will always stay proud of your four daughters. Im working on it! Hahaha. Im battling here without you and i still find it the toughest thing to do up to today but im not moved. Its for you. Oooooooooooooohh, i love you mamaaaaaa!
Hahaha.
And im still pursuing our dream which i promised you i would fulfill it.
That once i grow up and become a 'woman', i would bring you to all the breathtaking places on earth, take pictures together, talk about life and all the nostalgia wont be absent.
One more thing. I want us to stay as a family forever and nothing can split us up.
I trust papa, i know how much he loves you.
Like i do ^^
Amiiiiiiiiiiinn!

Dont worry about me too much. You know im no longer your little girl, dont you? Youve turned me into a grown up one.
Thats why i dared to bring my bf home.
Hahahahaha.

Okay. Im still not happy cause i cannot upload pictures! Soon kay.
Been busy with slacking around. Hahaha.

Last but not least, excuse my broken (into pieces!) english.
Hehe :D
I will try to mend it. Zz.

Have i talked alot enough?

2009-07-19T20:19:00.003+08:00

experience the afganism.
i fall head over heels for this guy since last year i think.
even when hes grown chubbier. no offense.

omggggg.
last night i watched this anugerah award thingy thing which took place in indo.
and he sang this song and i melted.
look at the dimples aaahh!

i have special likeness for guys with dimples.
like irfan raufi fatta.
8)
hahahaha.

serious ahh.
from last night ive been thinking about him and whenever i see him smiling i will be like
"aaaaaaaaaaaww"
i can cry. i swear.
:(

and crying reminds me of my birthday girl.
hahaha.
i sent her a message last night but it wasnt delivered.
so she thought i totally forgot about her birthday that she almost cried.
but my papa bought her a much better phone than mine for her.
that explains why she didnt even yell at me on phone just now.
im pathetic.

shes growing up, it scares me.

2009-07-17T19:47:00.005+08:00

thank God its fridaaayy!
im dead tired! :(

why do i get easily irritated by everyone and everything around me nowadays?!
im so saaadd. i cant stop being annoyed.
it emotionally diturbs me. huhu.

maybe luck just isnt on my side.
:(

on the brighter side, this month is my sisters month!

tomorrow is her birthday and im afraid i dont have a chance to blog (as if), so i want to wish the greatest sister in the world a

HAPPY BIRTHDAAAYY in advance, my innocent little girl!

now that youre 13, please grow up.

dont sulk alot and irritate people around you eh! hahaha.

study hard hard hor so that you can become like your elder gorgeous sister whos now studying in singapore and always sleeps in class.

cheh. i sound so proud of my sleeping habit. hahaha.

i have to admit that you are the best sister ever ever eveeeeerrr who never fails to make me laugh to tears.

i swear! hahaha.

lets go on diet together even if you cannot run. dont worry, we are the same.

and take care of mama and papa cause i know you love them as much as i do.

dont go and get yourself a boyfriend cause i want you to only be mine.

HEHE.

i know youre trying your very best to make mapa proud. i really support you.

trust me, when i see you cry, i know how you feel cause i was in your shoes too!

dont care about the spicy critics people hurl to your face.

cause i will still love you no matter what.

xoxo!

(this entry title is especially for you! haha)

retail therapy tmr. a must.

anyone wants to follow?

OK SO MY PAPA JUST CALLED ME AND GUESS WHAT.

he told me that the hotel where manu clubs gonna stay at when theyre in indonesia was bomb-ed!

so the tour was canceled padahal my papa has bought the front-row ticket.

wtf righttttt!

at least he could give me a photograph of them right?

bee ay en ay en ay!

2009-07-16T19:13:00.003+08:00

as a form of appreciation (cheh! hahaha), i would like to blog about these two incredibly incredible people (bananas i mean) above (below me i mean).
I LOVE YOU TWO TO THE MAAAAAAAAAAAX!
hahaha. im done. dont ask me whyyy.

sorry for the redundant brackets. hahaha.

2009-07-15T15:53:00.002+08:00

Arent i supposed to live my life to the fullest?
There are times when i feel like giving up, not caring about a single thing that might tear me apart and going on with life blisfully. Thats what how lifes supposed to feel like anywaayy. Haha.
So, yeah. I have to promise myself not to flood her with endless unnecessary thoughts and insecurities. Honestly, im tired of hurting myself :(
So i guess im done with worrying too much. I dont want to fake another smile and laughter when actually a long sharp tomb is kept inside me.
I know God have a plan. Let it be whatever its meant to be. Life. Goes. On.
:)

Anywaaayyys, ive no interest in going to school anymore. It simply bores me to death. I mean, the only subject that keeps me awake is math. And thats pathetic, i know! The rest is a bunch of hell. Gahh. I have to do self-study for practically all subject. Like, science and history. Sigghhhh. How to improve like this?! :(
Soon i will study. Once ive regained my semangat. (amiiiiinn!)

Ive created myself a brand new wishlist term 3 edition. Hahahaha.
Ahh shiitt, im blogging using phone right now. I cant use bullets or point forms. Tsk.
Nvm, im still gonna list them down in case one day i forget everything.
Or maybe when i cancel it one by one i will feel the sense of accomplishment. Like what isk feels when he gets correct answers for math questions -.-
Hahahaha.

Hmm.. I want an outdoor photoshoot with my loved ones. And that will be fulfilled once i get myself a camera which is pretty impossible. Hahaha. Count, two.
Thirdly, i want this sexy wallet from f21! It even haunted me in my dream and i have to get ittt! :o
I want bali, still.
Papa says if i can get the second in class at the end of this year, he will fulfill one of my most wanted wishes. Hehehe.
But at this slowly slow rate, tell me how is that gonna be possible? :(
Pareennts parents. Why do they never get satisfied?
I remember the time when i was still in indo and i got sixth position in A class and i was so proud that when i got home from school i put my report book approximately 2cm away from my papas face and his response was "what is this?! Rank means third rank or second rank at least. If sixth, its not considered a rank."
Wtfff, heartache i tell you. Hahaha.
Then when i got third in class last mye and i asked for a new phone, he said "ok. Next time you get second position then i will be so proud" soooooo he was indirectly saying that he is still NOT proud of me. I shrrriiiiinnk.
Hahaha. I know he loves me though ^^

Who can be proud of a daughter who sleeps in class and doesnt check timetable everyday and thinks about shopping during lessons and spends a lot of money monthly and is scared of everything?! Hahaha.

K, back to my wishlist.
Hmm.. I want... To go back sooooonn.
I want to lose weight desperately.
I want to be happy forever.
I want to own a bank. Ahahaha.
I want clothes.
I want nobody nobody but you.

K, im going wrong alr.
Guess i need to take my nap now.

Ya, actually, im blogging just to make me sleepy.
I love the bedsheet. Bye, loves.

2009-07-13T15:51:00.004+08:00

is there an end for karma?
this question has been bugging me so much lately.
hmmm..

idk how i come up with such a question.
actually i know why. haha.
cause im an insomniac, thats why i tend to think and ponder alot before going to sleep.
the thoughts really brought me far, too far indeed, that i ended up sleeping at 3am.
no good.
hahaha.

i want to practise on how to not talk alot. all over again.
hahaha. seriously man, i cant stand my habit of talking alot.
i just cant help it, yknw :(

like last night, i was on the phone with my annoying boyfriend so i went on and on with my truckloads of stories.
one of them was about this one morning when i went to school alone cause i forgot to do my homework and had to reach school earlier.
so my intention was to take 334 bus from the nearest bus stop.
i have to walk to my right if i want to take bus from the main road and to my left if i want to take 334.
i made my way confidently to the left and that was when a cat popped out.
two cats.
and three cats.
WHY MUST THEN, WHEN I WAS WALKING TO THE BUS STOP, OF ALL TIME, RIGHT?!
i mustered all my courage (eventhough im not sure if i have even one) and i slowed down a bit.
i couldve reached the bus stop safely if only those spooky cats werent staring at me.
they didnt just scare the shit out of me by popping out! they were staring at me! i think i was cursed.
im a timid little girl so i turned around and walked to the bus stop at main road.
how ironic.

when i was at the end of my story, this just-turned-18 boy didnt pity me at all after listening to me patiently.
he laughed at me and said "you told me that before, sayaaaaanng. hahahahahaha"
-.-
so i was wasting my energy and time and saliva telling him the whole (same) story enthusiastically!

and i went on and on again... and i told him about me who cant be questioned and answered it immediately cause my impulsive answer will make me regret.
so there was this time when i was at a bank to open a new bank account.
the lady asked me if i wanted to sign or thumb print and because she said the "sign" word first and it seemed easier cause i dont need to polish my thumb once i got home, so i chose sign.
the next second after answering, i realised that i cant even sign.
my signature is sooo so so simple that anyone can forge it.
even a 4-year-old girl.

and again, after me being fired up with the story, he just laughed again and told me that i had told him that before.
i was like, agaaaaaiin?!
so paiseh looorr.
i instantly changed the subject. HAHA.

we talked damn lot, as if there was no tomorrow.
haha.
another time when we were skype-ing, i literally shrieked and laughed and talked to my laptop and it felt so weird.
-.-
hahaha. i think everyone in this house could hear me laughing last night.
but i tried to control!
see if it worked. hahaha.

but honeeeyy (HAHA), it doesnt matter how annoying and vexatious you are, deep inside i still love you.
try digging my heart harder k, jelek.
hahahaha.
i swear ehhh!
only a slight thought of you, you and you could last a smile on my face for the whole day.
hahahaha.
i remember laughing to myself during lesson just now when i remembered you bullying me and the time we spent together.
and when i remembered how sweet i am to give him an enormous (not really actually) mickey doll for his birthday. i presicely know that hes 18 this year. and yet, i gave him such a.. err.. cute present.
^^
eeeeww. i sound so creepy eh. hahaha.

ok so i laugh like hell nowadays.
hahahaha.
i got scolded twice during higher malay lesson today.
first because i left my textbook in class.
second because i chewed gummy inside class.
mdm lorena thinks that i have no interest in studying malay and she said if i couldnt be bothered, i could tell principal that i dont want to study malay.
but nooooooo, i want to. i just cant.
languages and me dont seem to get along well.
:(

and i dont seriously pay attention in class.
i need to kick this habit, man. its the third week alr.
i will i will. i try.

so yeah, i should keep my words.
now im gonna do my homework.
i try.
hahahaha.

18 baby

2009-07-12T01:15:00.006+08:00

HAHAHAHA. best picture or whaaatt.

happy 18th birthday, bucuuukk!
i love you to bits and pieces muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccchhh mmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaccchh *hugs*!

so im staying up until now just to wish him a happy birthday after being the worlds most irritating girlfriend for unreasonably ranting at him and refusing to reply his messages or pick up the phone a few hours before it hit 12. hahaha.
im sorry k i made you feel down on your birthday. hahaha
and wish you all the best in your future endeavour. remember that youre no longer in secondary school or tertiary school or whatever school. youre going to university soon. must study hard hard hooorr. hahaha.
and please stop smoking stop driving like one devil stop bullying your own girlfriend (haha)
you know i trust you and i hope you do too :)
love you like how bees love honey how alvin and the chipmunks love singing how cows love grass how mr seow loves maths how spongebob loves patrick how mickey mouse loves minnie how donald duck loves daissie (sp?) how i love my family and myself.

and no hard feelings about what i said just now, alright?
i didnt mean it. k fine, some part i did. hahaha.
just to let you know that ive been hiding my anger deep inside me cause i dont want to make it a big fuss. i just dont want to 'hurt' what we have right now.
but i need you to be in my shoes. i want you to understand who and how i am plus what i want.
cause i dont want to be the one who tries to hold on so much.
i need you. to need me.
love you.
:)

P.S im gonna put my tagboard back soon, so for time being, if you have any comment, just click the link below to leave one. hehe. thanks!

hahahahahahahahaha

2009-07-10T20:27:00.006+08:00

im a happy happy girl i laugh like one mad woman until mrs teo told me to compose myself during lessons and she accused me for not being attentive and on task in class hahaha tell me how to stop laughing when i sit surrounded by the three girls plus syahmi in class hahaha she just has no idea of how happy and vigorous i am despite the fact that im suffering from hair loss problem (the major one, mind you) and constipation and insomnia at the same time hahahaha i love being where i am right now but i would love it more more if i were in indonesia right now cause when im in indonesia it means no dragging myself to school with eyes hardly open and brain completely blank woohooooo i can wake up when my eyes want to and eat chips plus chocolate plus whatever fattening food provided by my papa and sisters instead haha the presence of yopie whos gonna turn 18 in two days time makes my days in indo perfect haha how awesooooome!
omg i love writing without comas and full stops
:D

supposedly to go to gym after school with hannah and mai but stupid leg cramps loved me so much that i couldnt even walk up the staircase grrr let alone running on the treadmill so i decided to walk around jp with fifah and fatin and i got myself a medicine for constipation yaaaaaayy meeeee hahaha had my carrot cake lunch there then fifah bought a book plus math stuff and we proceeded to mac after walking a distance of 392328348km in jp which triggered fifah to lose her semangat haha shes so proud of going to bed at 4 in the morning tsktsktsk fifah bought a cup of mcflurry but gatria decided to forget about her diet plan that she managed to finish it haha what a good girl i am for helping lethargic fifah finish her mcflurry
:)

oh one more thing hehehehehee
happy belated birthday my dearest syazwani sufri!
i love you you love me we are happy family hahaha wish you all the best in whatever you do cause i believe that from all the struggling youve gone through you can now determine on whats the best for you hoho just remember that youre not alone through it all cause you have meeeee hehehehehe and i insist you to last long with ayep cheh hahaha love yoouuuu baby muuuuuuuuuuuuaaacks wth haha <3

♥

2009-07-09T17:20:00.005+08:00

what goes around, comes around.

2009-07-07T20:19:00.003+08:00

idk what life would be right now without you, love.
:*

(kindly ignore my face cause i look horrible in candid picts. thank you)

im in a huge meeesss.
:(

i left my school fees on my desk and i thought i lost it.
i thought i put my science books underneath my school desk that i went around to look for them like one mad and lost woman when theyre actually inside my book box at home.
second, i forgot to finish my malay holiday assignment. i didnt even remember that im supposed to finish it.
i abandoned my phone inside classroom that i had to go back all the way to school cause i just realised when i was on my way home.
i bought four books in one day and a top-up card which totally dried up my wallet.
i slept and did not pay attention in class due to having not more than 5 hours of sleep everynight.
i need my 1k back.
i HAVE to finish up all my homework although i know i wont.
im on a diet. remind me that.

theres a lot more but i dont want to make myself sound even more pathetic.

as usual.

so, yeah. im extremely exhausted right now so i need my rest.

stupid email thingy thing from school is forcing me to get stuck here.

pray for me so that i will get out of this mess soon.

love ya.

2009-07-06T14:13:00.003+08:00

STRESSED.
sumpah!

oxygen

2009-07-05T13:39:00.005+08:00

Sunday
Took money from my ex guardian -> trained to orchard -> met joyce -> bought drinks + crispy puff -> had lunch at fareast -> walked around town + catching-up session -> purchased a top -> walked around + endless talks -> banana milkshake -> sat down and camwhored -> headed off to fareast plaza -> legs were breaking soon -> joyce went home -> waited for isk and the chipmunks (haha!) -> almost dozed off while waiting -> met isk and the chipmunks + his mom -> isk bought a pair of shoes at fareast after hours of choosing -> walked to lucky plaza -> legs were breaking soon -> had dinner at pizza hut -> baked rice + two slices of pizza + two chicken drumsticks -> damn bloated + sinful -> cab-ed home -> bathed -> ended the day = awesome sunday!

For the next seven weeks, im not gonna go out during weekends. Reasons are:
Ive promised my parents that i would maintain my grades,
Save money,
Eat less,
More rest,
Revisions,
Time for myself,
H1n1!
Hahaha.

0:48!

2009-07-03T16:05:00.003+08:00

(L)

2009-07-02T19:22:00.000+08:00

am feeling so sleepy and exhausted right now cause First week of school is totally a bore -.-
I just slept an hour ago and idk why im blogging now. Hahaha.
Thank God theres no school on monday. Which means no pe, no netball.
Good or what. Otherwise i will faint while running or smth. No joking!
I think im normal cause i had a conversation with min aung that has proven im not the only blur blur sotong in class.

Min aung : the touchscreen one blackberry storm right?
Me : yea, but the bold one nicer.
Min aung : then yours is which?
Me : mines blueberry.
Min aung : oh.
Ming aung (heartbeat moment later) : huh?!

Hahaha. Should have seen his face!
You know what, i have math hw to be done. And im not moving from my phone screen. Im such a lazy bum. Haha. First week oh first week.

I really have nothing more slacky to do thats why im blogging right now just to show how blur i am now. Tsk. Next time, proper entry, k. Bye. Love yall.

Constipation go away please!
Money come come! Im in an urgent need of you!
I wont make myself sound even more pathetic.
Take care!

2009-06-28T20:08:00.001+08:00

i spent today with ayeeppp.
two hours in library and i practically completed my melayu homework.
hahaha.
arif + gatria = eat endlessly.
i just measured and my tummy has grown bigger by 4.5 cm.
its okay cause todays the last day of hols and im supposed to enjoy it.
:)

too bad hannah couldnt make it this time.
i miss we the bananas (wth) being together!
next time everyone has to be present, k!
hahaha.

school reopens tmr and i cant waaaaaait.
time flies fast if theres school, thats why i love school.
haha.

and uhm..
ignore my previous post, ive removed it anyway.
i was just too worried and insecured.

i love you ah jelek.
everything you say and do sends me over the moon.
hahahaha.
over the moon eh, syg.
remember our first late night call?
haha :p

and about the cranes pict above, i made them myself last year.
or two years ago, im not sure.
i found the box before i moved out.
i remember smiling when i made it (halfway to 1001!) and i was smiling when i threw it away.

cause i love my life the way it is now.
:D

thank you, noora and wani.
im okay.
i love you two! muacks.

2009-06-27T10:56:00.006+08:00

cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream would never do
i'd still miss you, baby.

had fun yesterday with noora despite all the irritating jokes.
such a devil.
-.-

im not feeling well right now but all my homework is holding me back from taking a rest.
can be seen from my eyes that i havent been sleeping properly.
tsk.
im missing my (Y) too much.

i have removed my tagboard so just leave me comments if you have any.

alright. gotta get back to my essays now.
love ya, take care!
haha.

2009-06-25T17:04:00.005+08:00

you saw the best there was in me,
lifted me up when i couldnt reach,
you gave me faith cause you believed.
im everything i am,
because you loved me.

i just finished packing up.

havent i told you guys im moving out?

yes, i am.

its like, last minute decision, again.

ive been very quiet for the past few days.

its not as easy as i thought it would be to leave this house and not come back.

ive spent my years here since i first tasted living in singapore.

everyone in this house is now a part of me.

i almost teared when i was packing up (dramatic or what -.-).

hahaha.

im not good at saying this but i want to thank my guardian here for everything shes done and for having been my mother here.

i profusely apologise for all the wrong doings and all the misbehavings that ive made.

thank you for tolerating my totally unappropriate behaviour.

especially when it comes to curfew.

hahaha.

sometimes im just too naive that i couldnt prevent myself from mixing up my personal and social life.

(wtf am i talking about?!)

so, yeah.

im so grateful that i was given a chance to meet you guys and share everything.

and c marlin, c valen and linlin are already like my sisters.

ive learnt alot from everyone in this house.

ive learnt how to stand up on my own.

thank you and sorry with 398409203948 of hearts.

(L)

hahahaha.

its been 3 years.

life has to go on, right?

2009-06-25T00:15:00.002+08:00

i can stay up the whole night just to look at you. hahaha. ily, jeleeeekk.

2009-06-23T14:03:00.006+08:00

movie date with hannah the banana and we watched hannah montana the movie.
k, this sounds so weird.
-.-

yesterday was great.
too bad ayep couldnt make it cause i miss gatnahyep so much.
haha.

and thank you, irfan raufi fatta for making me smile the whole night.
hahaha. youre the only medicine i need, really.
i love you no matter how evil you are for not telling me that there was chili in my soup.
love yoooooooooooooooooouu.
^^

i think ive successfully cut down on my talking.
HAHAHA. im so proud.

2009-06-22T21:42:00.004+08:00

mama, dont disappoint me.
i sacrificed my precious one week there just to help you make things better and easier and you just told me on my first new day here to cancel everything.
seriously, if it happens, i wont be in a good talking term with you.
i swear.
not even when you give me hundreds dollars for me to pamper and make it up to myself.

2009-06-21T12:59:00.004+08:00

ok im back im back im back!
hahahahaha. sorry, im a bit wrong now.
i didnt bring anything back here, not even my heart.
cause it is stolen

by this guy.

can anyone help me find him then bring him to me? please?

hahaha. k idk why i laugh.

i will just let pictures do the talking.

haha, thats if i can stop talking.

hahahaha.

k, fine i will shut up.

tag replies:

hannah: gatria misses gatnahyep even more. lets fly to vivo! hahaha

brother!!!: dah balek dah. hahaha :D

Joyce: ya ampuuuun, link bru lg? haha. okok, soon.
shiqin: aaaaww. thanks! hehehe. nooooo, i loookk weird without braces! :(

isz: of courseeee! 8) hahahaha!
syuhada: really? thanks, syu! hehe.
maizurah: to my teeth yes. to my hair no. hahaha! aww, thank you thank you! :)

wanie: RIIIGHHTT. hahahaa, i didnt do anything to it. hahaha, went to saloon only. hahahaha. NOORA: aww, imy too! haha. why my hair eh?! hahaha.

Ziyun: so sweet, thanks zhiyun! hahaha.

Wen xin: hey. sure, soon. hehehehe.
Joyce: of course i am! so much. hahahaha. howre you? omg my long lost sister. hahaha
brother!!!: heh, im online.
KaiYi ♥: alright! text you soon. hehehe
Syaifullah: hahaha. stop talking about my braces, i can kill myself due to frustation. hahaha.

will upload picts. later. later. when im not lazy. hahahaha.

(Y)

2009-06-17T19:20:00.004+08:00

..nobody gonna take me higher,
I must stick with you.
:)

Know why i say that im the happiest girl in the world?
Cause i smile when i talk, wake up, bathe, eat, walk, run, message, call, sing, before sleep. Breathe..
And i only need a person to do that to me.
Hahahaha.

Sorry i cant update much and reply tags cause im online using phone.
And no, i didnt perm or extend my hair for those whove been asking me.
Hahaha.

Take care alright!

2009-06-15T14:08:00.000+08:00

im officially the happiest girl in the world.

hahahaha.

-.-

guilty pleasures.

2009-06-11T22:01:00.004+08:00

omg im blogging im blogging im blogging!
:O

hahaha.
and yea, im braces-less.
im still regretting my decision.
God knows how much i love my braces.
but its okay.
cause i need a change in me and i am starting a new life.

and like it or not, this is a new me.
hehe.

and i swear i have 49083957057 stories to tell.
now im blank and feeling drowsy.
one more week left and hopefully, my face will be better by sunday.

im at my worst conditon, fyi.
i know youre happy.

my mama keeps questioning me on why on earth do i like to bring pimples home as a souvenier and why im so dark which makes me look so.. eew and why im so lazy and why this why that.
how am i supposed to answer those?!
:/
oh, i also eat at least 6 times a day. can you imagine?

but im still happy.
somehow..

take care!

2009-06-09T18:31:00.004+08:00

spot a difference.
;)

will be updating soon,
have been kinda busy.
im really enjoying every single moment here.
hehe.

take care and miss me.
hahaha.

fragility

2009-05-31T18:10:00.004+08:00

who do you turn to when the only person who can stop you from crying is the one who is making you cry?

ive gone too far and my patience has its limit.
now, i will say it solemnly.
i can blissfully go on with my life without you.
since my problems are mine and now, your problems are truly yours.
:)

im not there anymore when you need me.
i shouldnt have been there.

TUESDAY!

2009-05-31T17:31:00.006+08:00

im going back to indo on tuesday!
thats why im here now, thinking of saying my last words.
hahaha.
cause i wont be going online tmr, i have to stuff my laptop inside its case so by tuesday morning, everythings ready and i can take mrt instead of hailing a cab.
first time taking mrt to changi! im saving money okay.
:/

shopping spree with hannah tmr.
and for hannah.
simply cause im left with two bucks!
hahaha. sorry ah.
this is all because of stupid edusave fees! if not i might have around 30 bucks with me now.
and seriously, i spend most of my money on food!
yesterday i spent like, 10 bucks on food.
lucky me, the ticket was free.
-.-

and my cravings have been pretty much satisfied.

thank you my irritating brother for lending me shampoo.
oh yes, im this pathetic.
i dont even have shampoo at home!
hahahaha!

and good luck for the sec 4s who are taking their mother tongue o's tmr.
all the best for both papers.
:)

i spent today with gatria and only her.
and i love gatria and only her.

im running out of topics now.
so i will just say, bye?
haha!
i will be back on 21st.

so, dont forget me and miss me!
take care, people!
drink at least 8 glasses of mineral water per day, eat fruits and vegetables, dont laze your butt around and exercise (as if i do. haha!), do your homework and revisions, dont go home late, no drugs, no alcohol, no free sex.
dont miss me too much. hahahaha.
and happy holidaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayys!
i still have one more thing to say but i forget what!
and the feeling of it sucks i tell you.

great escape

2009-05-30T20:20:00.008+08:00

hahahahaha. i cant stop laughing whenever i recall my facial expression when i reached home just now.
hahaha.

i was one hour late and thats not surprising.
ive been doing it for like, umpteen times.
-.-
im kinda used to times when waiting for the crossing light to turn green feels infinity.
but this is how i think, shes gonna nag and nag and nag and thats all she can do.
and it wont change a thing cause i cant fly straight after i put down her call.
so, yeah. i just have to bear with the naggings.
cause thats all i can do, too.
i was half asleep when she called me at 0712.
(i looked at my watch right away after i saw her name being displayed on my phone!)
when i saw her name, my eyes were suddenly opened. widely!
and i swer her voice was highly deafening.
idk if it was because she naturally has a high-pitched voice or it was because she wanted to scare the shit out of me.
i kept my phone about 2cm away from my right ear cause i love every part of me, including my ears.
i forgot to say sorry, my bad.

then when i reached, my guardian was watching tv and she tought it was her daughter who came home so she said "len, len!"
(btw her daughters name is valen)
i just kept quiet until i tilted my head so i would be able to see her.
i looked at her, she looked at me back and i didnt know what to do so i just smiled.
the smile was like,

this!
and i was innocently waving at her.
haha. irritating.
then i ran to my room enthusiastically like i never did before.
haha.

but i cant stand my curfew anymore.
i have a lot of reasons to be against it.
first, im not 7 years old anymore and i think im old enough to decide whats good and whats not for me.
at least thats what my papa told me.
second, im living in the 21st century where genius little things called cell phones have been invented.
and i possess one, theres nothing to worry about as long as im contactable and alive.
third, going out doesnt mean i put my studies aside. no.
ive proven my guardian wrong that too much of going out can worsen my studies.
fine, ive dropped but i still managed to get As and Bs for my subjects.
i managed to make it to the top 3.
my guardian called my parents and complained to them before cause i went out and was always home late during exams period.
:(
fourth, my guardian scolds me from being home late not for the sake of my safety.
neither does she care.
only because it was after SEVEN that she scolded me.
k, nvm if you dont get it.
cause only myself understands me the best.
:)

if you wonder where i was, i went to escape theme park.
living in singapore for almost three years and had never gone to escape theme park makes me sound pathetically pathetic.
so fahmi offered me a free ticket to escape theme park.
i cant refuse free pleasures.
haha.
went there with arif, mifdhal and fahmi.
arif had dikir until 1pm and he still had to iron his shirt, waited for his father and walked to jp.
-.-
so we ended up reaching pasir ris super late and arif still needed to buy his lunch.
i was tempted by the wanton noodles so i ordered myself one despite the fact that i just got myself a cup of mcflurry the previous two hours.
tsk.
its just the beginning of holiday, gatria.

seriously, it was like my first time being at pasir ris.
i went to wild wild wet before and it was like, 6 years ago when i was still schooling in indo.
i guarantee myself a second visit there if i come back here.
:D

escape theme park was pretty packed then.
so we went in into a haunted house first cause the queue wasnt long.
hahaha.
i got stomach cramp from laughing too much!
we went in twice, and the second one was the bomb.
cause four of us were actually the ones who led the way, or the first people.
hahaha.
no one wanted to walk first so the brave gatria (right!) walked first as she wasnt a coward like her three other guy friends who were supposed to be braver but being sissy instead.
hahaha. joking.
then the moment i went in, i became a gentlewoman that i let arif walk first.
HAHAHA.
then i pulled his shirt from behind in case i fell down, then he had to fall with me.
it was damn dark inside, okay!
hahaha.
then there was this point of time when we wanted to turn right, arif was still in front of me, and an absolutely friggin idiot in black everything and long hair covering its whole face opened the door and gave us a warm welcome.
instead of feeling welcome, arif screamed something like "eh, kiwak! ade ni bende itam!" and i screamed too (quietly!) and i turned but unfortunately the next thing i saw was mifdhals sapau body blocking my whole way so i had no choice but to keep squealing. haha.

idk what happened but i just walked, ran actually, pass that ridiculously hideous creature and mifdhal was already in front of me with arif holding his shoulder.
-.-
hahahaha.
the way they two held each other made me laugh like hell.
and the super timid fahmi was left behind and he made no sound.
HAHAHA.
the first time we went in, he was in front with this new friend of his who told him how scary it was inside.
he ah, go only then scream like a girl alr.
hahaha.

then the we took this pirate ride. idk what they call it.
the one that you sit inside one big thing that looks like a boat then it will swing swing until you can actually face downwards.
ah idk what you call it.
we queued for one hour!
imagine.
and oh, saw mr bohari (sp?) there.

mifdhal and fahmi sat at the first row at the right side.
arif and i thought it wouldnt be fun anymore sitting in the middle so we (step brave one) sat at the third row.
and when the boat went up, i could feel my lungs in my stomach!
especially when when i looked down.
i was like, "when on earth will this thing stop?!?!?!"
hahahaha! the feeling was so funny that i screamed and laughed at the same time.
busted arif, he laughed and made fun of himself.
hahaha.
it was so funny laaaaahh. i couldnt stop laughing during the ride.

the funniest part was still how much of a loser fahmi can be.
hahaha.
joking.

i was left with not much time.
plus 354 bus wasnt friendly.
:(

so yea, i hoped they enjoyed the day cause i did alot.
hahaha. theyre my priority. hehe.

so yea, i think thats all for now.

and guess what, i think ive cut down on my talking now.
and that makes me feel good somehow.
i should keep quiet more often.
if i can, cause lala says i will never be able to.
hahaha.

two more days, baybeh.

oh one more thing!
i accidentally met iqin at jp with her mom and i hugged her and i felt infinity.
wth. hahahaha.
omg i love youuuuuuu iqin!
gonna miss you so much.
take care when im away alright?!
i will keep in touch with you so you can reach me whenever you need me.
sorry i couldnt accompany you today, hon.
next time, k? hehee.
love youuuu!

im missing everyone alr. tsk.

and sorry i dont upload pictures anymore.
ok maybe soon. ok?!
:)

get out of it alive.

2009-05-29T18:10:00.004+08:00

yay yay yaaayyy im back with truckloads of good news!
wait, i didnt even go anywhere, why should i be back?
-.-

the first good thing is that i got third position in claaaaaaaaaaaass.
i thought it was kind of doubtful for me to even get the 10th position in an A class.
ive worked hard for it and im glad, all my hardwork is now paid off.
im happyyyyyyyy. as happy as i can be.
too happy that i think im flying now.
ok, not that happy ah.
k, can lah, happy. hahahaha. wth.
i never stop believing and will forever believe when people say "you have to go through the rain to see a rainbow" something like that ah.
hahaha.
gonna try harder next time, promise!
:)

another four more days before i go back to indo! ive found my passport!
yeehaaaaaaaaaa!
dont miss me when im gone hor.
cause they say when someone misses you, your eyelashes will drop and if you miss me then my eyelashes will keep dropping until ive got no more eyelashes how?!
hahaha, joking.
and yah, im pretty excited cause its been 6 months since the last time i went back!
which means 6 months without dentist!
that roughly explains why i dont smile that much nowadays.
hahaha.
eh i still smile lah, who say i never smile one?!
haha.

i love talking to myself sometimes...
make it "most of the times" cause i talk to myself alot.
and i should get used to it by now.
:D

another good news is, im officially a cheapskate.
HAHA.
went shopping with isk straight after school just now.
my hyper mood can bring me everywhere. seriously.
hahaha. had so much fun.
thank you, sister! hahaha.
i needed to shit badly just now cause isk stuffed me with ljs fries and chicken and the whatever-you-call-it soup, so it was partially his fault.
dont go and blame me for complaining on how i wanted to go home and shit so much.
HEHE.

and i got myself a tshirt and skirt.
but im not satisfied yet, gonna do another shopping spree tmr!
the GSS sale has started, i think.
and stupid mphosis, the seductive skirt i wanted so desperately was alr sold out.
or no stock. idk.
:(

and one another sad thing is that i paid my edusave fees, around 30 bucks, using my allowance.
heartache i tell you.
i can get myself a nice top or smth with that 30 bucks leeehh.
gah.

its ok, im still a happy girl.

met hannah at jp after school yesterday.
ayep came the latest and went back the earliest cause he had to attend the meeting-parent session.
or is it parent meeting?
good thing my parents arent here. haha.
hannah wanted to watch night at the museum 2 at first but we were kinda broke so we ended up eating.
i ate at mac while waiting for them to come.
then hannah ate this fish noodles at kopitiam and we walked around jp and talked non stop.
jp is getting more boring more than eveeeerrr.

and im growing wider and wider each day.
the worst timing to go back, ever.
:(

ah shit, i can only think about shopping right now and its killing me cause i aint a daughter of a millionaire!
and because im sooooooooo so so so stingy.
and because i feel guilty for shopping so much when half of the world is suffering from poverty, recession and such.
omg, i sound so bad.
but my father keeps scolding me for being so calculative when it comes to money.
:(

today was the last day of school.
i had no appetite at all but i forced myself to eat mee soto cause i wont be able to eat it during hols.
gonna miss my school and everyone in it.
:(

k, i seriously can think about nothing but shopping.

passport oh passport

2009-05-27T19:17:00.003+08:00

i still have no guts to ask my guardian if she found my passport lying on the floor.
i know she didnt cause if she did, she would have given it back to me by now.
im very very worried cause im going back next tuesday and if i cant find my passport by tmr, i will be dead as i wont have time to look for it over the weekend.
:(

please please pray for me that my guardian is keeping it with her now.
which is quite impossible.
ive learnt my lesson this time, i wont misplace my passport anymore after this.

and tell me what happened to my parents for goodness sake!
no one seems to care about how worried and clueless i am!
:(

im not in peace right now, not at all.
i will try my best to persuade my parents if i go back later so that they will allow me to move out cause i can no longer survive here.

omgggggg i can hardly breathe now and i feel like crying.
can i be in peace for at least, a week?

cant forget to breathe slow,
count from one to ten with my eyes closed.
cause ladies take it in and get compo-oh-oh-sure.

report book tmr, i think.
can i stop feeling anxious?
*sighs*

i feel like im gonna lose everything. again.
idk who to turn to.
to be specific, i dont have anyone to turn to.

i want to be alone.
i want beach and wind.

its been so long since the last time i cried so i really need to cry my heart out right now.

2009-05-25T20:04:00.003+08:00

be prepared, im gonna complain and rant as usual.
tsk.
iskandar and reza have finished their job to listen to me.
now your turn.
ha ha ha!
-.-

where should i start?!
this is always the problem with me.

lets start with how i start today.
my alarm rang at 0530 sharp and i was still in my dreamland so i ignored it.
i ended up sleeping until 0555 and i really took my own sweet time in bathroom.
i went out of the house around 0635 and normally the bus comes at 0630 so i thought it wouldnt change a thing if i ran downstairs so i just walked slowly and when i was 200m away from the bus stop, i saw 185 beside me so i ran and i swear my hair looked as if i hadnt brushed it for centuries.
-.-

luck was on my side early in the morning.
hehe.

ok wait, i want to complain first.

you know what!
im in an urgent need of money like, really really urgent!
im penniless now!
i used coins cause my ezlink is dead!
worse still, my prepaid is dead toooo!
i need to reply text messages badly lah omg!
worse stiiiiiiiill, im left with 10c to survive tmr!
or worse stiiiiiiiiil, to survive the rest of the week!
my guardian come back home earlier please and have mercy on me!
i can hardly see her in the morning cause i wake up late and she works until late at night when my level of lazyness is at its highest level.
:(

can i sell my water bottle for 2bucks instantly?
at least i can survive on tmr and wednesday.
cause i know my guardian will tell me the same thing all over again tmr morning
"you never tell me earlier you want money, i never take for you eh"
and it will be a very bad beginning for my morning.
and i dont want it to happen cause the bad luck will stalk me for the rest of the day.
so, forget it.
tsk.

last week i thought i lost my passport.
then i found out it was with my guardian.
so in this one sinful morning when i gave church a miss (i think), i was watching tv and busy replying messages when my guardian approached me to give back my passport cause she know id been looking for it.
then i just put it aside cause im just plain ignorant.
the next thing i know is that i went to bathe and after training, i looked for it idk why.
i thought i was dreaming about my guardian giving me my passport but i wasnt!
and its now nowhere to be found.
sometimes i really want to know why on earth could i be so clumsy and lazy and careless and ignorant.
:(

omg i swear iskandar is really an entertainment in the middle of this very distressing storytelling session.
is this even a storytelling session?!
of course not duh -.-

k, where was i?
its the best sentence to start a conversation.

speaking of training, i dont regret coming to todays training.
not even when there was fitness!
hahaha.
it was fucking torturing but im still alive.
eventhough now my eyes only 4 watt and my hands feel like breaking from typing so much, i love todays training!
hehe.
the part that was supposed to be cried over turned into laughters which caused me a stomach cramp.
hahaha. damn funny lah.

i shall stop ranting.

EH GATRIA SCORED AN A FOR HER ENGLISH!
WHAT?! GATRIA?! ENGLISH?!
hahaha. im lame.
im so proud of myself that i think i no longer need an english tutor.
i have proven myself wrong.
8)

i got a friggin 59 for my science paper.
i tried so hard to find that one mark from my paper.
not only that, i persuaded mdm rohani to give me that pathetic one mark until she got so much irritated.
i even changed my hairband into black colour so that it will give me a good impression of me in mdm rohanis eyes.
but what hurts so much is that she ignored me.
:/

then she approached me after netball and told me i got a b3 for my overall.
i was broken into pieces. all my hardwork and A1 fly just like that when a c5 comes in.
:(
but im still a happy girl that i havent scored any Cs so far.
i repeat again, so far!

i need my geog and art paper back.
and im expecting like, a b4 at the most? for my geog.
sigh.
its ok its alright i will try harder next time.
:)

k cannot tahan alr.
i need my sleep now.

eh one more thing.
i dont want to be friend with the weather today.
not even when you treat me five mcchicken meals.
i hate the weather today, it made me perspire and wet!
i think if i want to collect all my sweats, i will need more than two buckets.

how can i stop?

2009-05-24T19:21:00.005+08:00

believe it or not i didnt go out of my house today.
at all!
i thought of swimming but when i saw my guardians daughter eating, i took a plate and did my hourly routine.
what else?! eat. -.-

im really curious how skinny people stand the temptation of food.
cause i honestly cant no matter how obssessed i am of losing weight.

then i ended up watching tv.

oh ya, if you want to read my previous entries, just click at the older posts thingy thing below this post because i just created this slideshow and i want to show it off.
8)
hahaha. joking.
i did it simply cause i had nothing better to do.
wait.
its either i didnt have or i was/am plain lazy to do it.
HEH.

i slept late last night and woke up late this morning.
hahaha. i everything also late ah.
-.-
and my whole body was aching so i gave church a miss.
im sooooooooooo so so guilty now i promised God i would pray before i sleep tonight.
i always feel tired nowadays that i just go to sleep right after i switched off my lappy.
:(

i surfed the net since this afternoon cause i woke up around 1230.
and i logged in into my facebook acc.
i ignored the requests of course.
im still waiting for some helpful soul to help me confirm total of 408 requests in facebook for i know i will lose my patience halfway confirming them.
so i went to my ex schoolmates profiles and i saw their graduation ball pictures and im undescribably jealous knowing that i was once a part of them and now i can only stare at those pictures.
haiihh.. its ok.
i keep reminding myself that, im leading a better life here.
i hope i am.
:)

on a better note, theres school tmr.
i can get my science and geog results back!
there will be a re-enactment of what happened on friday before getting back my math results.
hahaha.
but whatever my results will turn out to be, i know that ive tried my best.
for geog, i have.
hahaha.

omg im going back in 9 days time!
i cant believe.
anyone text me and ask me out on saturday, pretty please?

i want to buy a lot of things and go to a lot of places.
peninsula (sp?), bugis, fareast, orchard, suntec and etc.
yessssssssssss im just another typical spoilt girl who can only think about shopping.
so what.

oh im so happy im talking to my indo friends and they already ask me out even before im there.
ooooooooooohh im never bored whenever im in indo.
even staying at home for the whole day isnt powerful enough to make me feel bored.
haha.

eh i critically need a new handphone lah.
but i dont have the guts to tell my parents cause im still waiting for my results!
:(
and im fickle minded, i keep changing my choice of handphone that i should use.
tsk.
any recommendations please leave a tag or tell me through msn. thank you.
and nooooooo, please dont tell me i should buy touch screen phone cause ive butterfingers.

luck isnt on my side in may and i know that so im prepared.
not.

im still refraining myself from going down and stepping in into mac.
and its so so sooooo hard that i think im going down soon.
God, dont let me go down, please.
*crossing fingers*

i think theres smth wrong with my yahoo messenger cause everyone whos been talking to me is now keeping quiet and not giving me any reply.
and this box keeps popping out and i keep closing it without giving it any attention.
told you, im this lazy.

and theres netball training tmr.
:D

woah seriously i cant take it anymore, im going down now to stuff myself with something.
im sinful.

ive made up my mind.

this is my final choice.

good results = bb.

hehehe.

i feel so outdated loorr.

all my indo friends are alr using either bb or iphone.

tsk.

tea bags III

2009-05-23T18:06:00.006+08:00

you know what, my link is so dumb.
unprivate.blogspot.com sounds so... dumb!
:(
give me ideas, people.

i met noora just now at jp. like, finally.
hahaha.
we ate at kfc, walked and talked all the way from 1 until around 5 then she had to go and meet her sister at somerset.
we talked like, damn lot.
i miss talking to her.
:(
and i owe her one flower.
and we ate kinder bueno! heaven.

i still miss obs.
but i dont want to bathe at the public toilet.
haiihh..

ok, let me blog about the last day of obs camp.
i woke up super early because i heard the rooster already.
i thought rooster clucked at 5am so i woke up and asked atrisha to wake up.
i felt like shitting. 4 days never shitted ok!
:(

then i walked to the toilet and there was no one. at all.
i heard someone showering inside the toilet and i was relieved.
zulya came out. she also didnt know what the time was.
so i just showered, slowly.
hahaha.
then i went to where we all put our backpacks and packed up as we were going off from pulau ubin at 7am.
but there were only atrisha, zulya, farliana and me there.
everyone was still asleep.
i wasted most of the time sitting down and looking around.
i was already very lethargic so i just breathed in and out, washed my hands, thought endlessly.
ive been thinking alot now cause i have more time to stare blankly and do nothing.
so i just think and think and thiiiink.
:D

then about 30 or 45 mins later, a guy came out from his tent and told us it was only 4 something.
so that means i woke up earlier than 4am.
-.-

the part when we had to unpitch the tent and fold it and wash it and stuff was really tiring.
i had to unpitch and fold and bring it all the way down from the campsite alone with atrisha.
i remember there were exactly 101 ladder steps to the campsite from gathering area.
fong said if we could count how many ladder steps there are, our wishes will come true.
but i found out the answer from atrisha and fong.
so i didnt make any wishes.

then had our breakfast.
i was always the first one to finish when it comes to eating.
hahaha.
so i waited and decided to donate my shoes to the rack at the store room rather than throwing them away.
see, while i was waiting, i thought alot that i could decide to throw my shoes away.
hahaha.

then we took ferry back to punggol.
i sat by the window site and i just looked outside the window so that i wouldnt smell anything from inside ferry cause the wind that was blowing in front of my face would bring all kind of smells away.
almost everyone smelled awful on the last day.
some of them just reused their attire.
:/

lucky got class jersey.
if not, i would be one of them.
no, i wouldnt be one. eeeww.

then went back to east coast camp.
repacked and moved everything from obs backpack to our personal backpack.

fong and hairil told us that we were gonna do this tunnel thingy thing.
it was the most fun part.
we had to go through three of four different tunnels.
each of them has different type of challenges from one another.
we had to crawl down, walk on balls, maze and a lot more.
and it was really dark plus suffocating inside there.
when we were in the last tunnel, we entered the password from questions given in every tunnel, and the door opened.
it was like, BOOM!
hahaha. gak jelas banget sih.
cause you were in the dark and closed tunnel where there was no enough air for you to breath in and once the door opened, all the air and lights came in.
so relieving. i just like the feeling. haha.

had our lunch after the tunnel thingy thing.
(Y)
bought souveniers (sp?) from obs.
i bought a dri-fit polo with obs print on the back because isk told me to buy one.
hahaha.
there was only one left so i kiasu-ly shouted at the auntie that i was buying it.
HAHA.
atrisha got jealous.
x)

about two hours after that i got the bruises that destroyed my pride.
so saaaaadd. my legs are so ugly now.
they were ugly enough but now theyre even worse.
heeeeeelp. i want to go home with smooth legs.
:(

talking of going home...

hehehehe!
mama has alr booked my tickets!
im sooo happy.
i just changed my status this morning and all my friends texted me the whole day long.
i feel so loved.
^^
hehehehe.

im so excited that i can be an insomniac everynight.
i have everything well-planned inside my brain.
things i want to do before im going back to indonesia:

go to escape theme park
buy golden tanning oil
go to beach!
shopping spreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and money
clean my room
hug everyone i love, here ^^

fahmi has four free tickets to escape theme park! yay.
i love free yet enjoyable stuffs!
i mean, who doesnt?!
dang.

in indo, im gonnaaaaaaaa

go swimming, eating and talking with ayi! plus fetch her from school!
lose 4kg
go karaoke with tia and amel and girls
go out with loads of people
go jogging thrice a week
talk to mama and papa non stop
watch soccer with papa
conquer epins room
photoshoot with epin, ayi and regina
JCOOOOOOOOOOO!
play badminton
a lot more

i will try my best not to gain weight and ignore all tempations.
if i can.
:D

woah, exams are over and im soo freeeeeeeeeeee.
i wont be this hyper once i get back my science and literature results i tell you.
i see it coming. sigh.

i spent last night texting people until my thumb become curly.
and im glad people trust me to be the one they can share their problems with.
i reaally really am.
i love listening to stories and putting myself in their shoes.
sometimes i dont need to cause ive gone through what people are going through now so i exactly know how they feel.

and yah, mifdhal.
dont worry too much, k.
im here for you 24/7 to listen to your stories.
like how you listen to my complaints.
hahaha.
cheer up, you deserve to be smiling.
:)

im sleepy alr, i keep talking and talking.
tsk.
i walked home from jp, take stairs to 6th storey, changed my bedsheet and im now lying on the floor with lappy on my laps.
-.-

im such a lazy beyotch.
k, i think im done blabbering now.

just like the banner at the end of the jetty says,
"there's something about obs that stays with you for life."
:)

eh one more thing.
everyone has started saying that im so sombong.
i where got action leeehh.
i just have not much time to talk to people through facebook or text messages.
my prepaid still dying!
i only topped up a pathetic amount of credits yesterday.
sorry hor.
feel free to approach me whenever you want to talk to me, face to face better. hahaha.

tea bags II

2009-05-22T16:55:00.004+08:00

mind my broken english.

yay! im sooooo happy.
i got my higher malay and math the killer paper back alreadeeeeeeeeeeeehh.
so im gonna share about my results first.
:D

i literally couldnt catch my breath when mr seow came in into the class and started lecturing.
17 failures in our class. or more.
and most of my classmates scored C.
i even put my head inside my bag when they started giving out the papers.
i couldnt bear to see my math results for i knew i wouldnt see any number above 40% for the two papers.
i was really really demoralised by the fact that i dropped by 16.5 marks compared to my ca1 results.
then i thought again, how would those who failed their exams feel when i, who scored an A for my math mye paper, feel this way and start complaining and being an unappreciative bitch.
so yeah, im still so grateful that i scored an A for my math paper.
its okay if i dropped.
i can try harder next time cause i know i didnt study hard enough for mye.
:)

and for higher malay paper, im happy enough to score a B.
languages are never easy for me.
english and malay are my biggest enemies.
i only wrote one and a half pages for karangan when i was supposed to write at least three pages.
but the topics are shitty i tell you.

i feel that all my effort has already been paid off so far.
should work harder next time.
hoho.

i miss fong alr. sigh.
most of my girls went to school with a sleepy head this morning.
i even slept on lalas back during morning assembly.

obs has left a great impact on me, seriously.
i remember the first day of camp.
it was fucking boring.
we sat on parade square for almost the whole afternoon cause it was raining and we couldnt do any outdoor activities.
i was so quiet, i swear!
i just sat down and stared at my team mates wrapping an egg so that it wouldnt break easily just like what you do during stupid enrichment programmes.
-.-
the only nice thing about the first day was the food.
i thought i could lose weight by going to the obs camp but NO, i think i gained.
tsk.

then slept in the tree hut together with girls from gemini.
i was damn annoyed by the girls who kept squealing and laughing and screaming over tiny harmless insects.
i was almost reaching my dreamland when i suddenly heard someone screaming.
imagine.
and three instructor came consecutively, warning us to sleep.
i only slept for not more than three hours.
-.-

oh! almost forgot that we did all the high elements!
omg omg omg damn fuuuuuuuuuunnn.
it was worth the two hours of waiting.
haha.
i had to walk on a swinging string and hold on to the ropes, walking on a log and stuff like that.
in the air ok, not on the ground! o.O
and vance, the one who shouted back at my literature teacher, the one who always rebels against teachers and school rules, the one who always says "chibai" and says nothing other than vulgarities, took more than thirty minutes on the platfrom, trying to muster all his courage to step on the string and grab the rope.
i got stomach cramp due to laughing too much.
hahahahahaha.
he eventually gave up after wasting so much time.
he perspired like hell and i could see him trembling on the platform.
HAHAHA.
you shouldve seen his face then i assure you, you would laugh like nobodys business.
hahaha.

the second day, i woke up so early.
as early as 3.45 am.
i woke atrisha and wani up first then some girls woke up.
i was so kanchiong until one girl told me it was only 3.45am.
laughed then went back to sleep.

packed up everything and off to pulau ubin by ferry.
had to carry my excessively heavy backpack all the way from east coast to pulau ubin.
thats one reason why i always think ive grown shorter.
:(

the time was so limited, we had to gather first before eating lunch.
and had to walk about 500m to the girls toilet.
second day was not a real fun.
it was more tiring rather than fun.
did this idk what thing.
all i know is that we had to tie about 8 pipes altogether using ropes and blah blah blaaahh.
then float it on the water.
idk. lazy to type alr.
hahaha.

after that water activity, we all proceeded to the toilet to have our shower.
supposed to rinse ourselves to wash away the sand only but i couldnt take it.
the thought of contaminated water sticking to my hair extremely disgusted me.
my instructors told me that people pee and shit in that sea water. eeeeeeeeeeeww.
so i showered and took my own sweet time.
when it comes to bathing, seriously sorry i have to take my own sweet time.
hahaha.
and the cubicles are connected that the water flowing from first cubicle flows to another cubicle and i can smell urine.
:/

i was immobiled in the cubicle, im scared to move my slippers so i stayed at one spot.
i cannot even pee at public toilet and i had to shower at public toilet!
god.
i usually endure until i reach home to pee or shit or fart or whatever.
hahaha.
this is one reason why i dont like camp.

then cooked our lunch ourselves with super duper small flame.
even instant noodles tasted so heavenly.
hahaha!

some girls ran away straight after eating so i had to wash all the utensils.
thank you very much. well done girls.
-.-
i really need cooperation from my teammates but i couldnt seem to get one.
haihh.

then pitched up tents all that.
we slept in the middle of nowhere! the night was so dark that i could practically see nothing without my torchlight.
atrisha and i conquered the whole space in our tent.
four people were supposed to sleep in one tent but all the five chinese girls in my team squeezed in themselves inside one tent.
lucky me!
haha.

the sleep was much better than the previous night but still, the noises they made were bugging me so much.
:(

third day i overslept.
i didnt have time to shower in the morning so i just brushed my teeth, washed my face and assembled.
did some exercise before having breakfast.
i skipped breakfast just to shower.
life in a remoted island is that pathetic looooorrrrrr.
i was so excited to play water. hahahaha.
did kayaking, was fun cause my partners were atrisha and zhu hao.
i saw a jellyfish i saw a jellyfish i saw a jellyfish!
weien said the colour was like underwear colour.
:/

our instructors, both gemini and lepus, gave us a chance to do jetty jump.
i was like, confirm going to jump one until i saw the watter.
omg, the water was fucking dirty like as if shit was floating on it.
i saw the water only i didnt want to jump down alr no matter how fun they said it was.
hahaha.

showered again and changed to dry attire as we were going to hike.
i applied as much sunblock as i could.
only 30 spf, didnt help much.
:(

so yah, it was kinda fun.
we lost in the first challenge.
i was the leader in third stop and the callenge was to act out this phrase;
"we are like tea bags-we don't know our strength until we are in hot water."
i was like, how on earth would i be able to act out and expect my teammates to get the exact words.
we made it though!
they only missed one word, until.
tell me how to act out the until word?!
-.-

i guess im gonna be a good actress.
HAHA.
joking joking.

vance and i were talking about shit all the way cause we both hadnt shitted for three days(!)
we die die dont want to shit one lor.
vance told me from how he needed to shit badly to the seashell around his toilet bowl at his house.
wtf. hahaha.
and zhu hao is sooooooooooooooo adorable i think im in love.
lol.

he is so helpful and kind and funny and cute and chubby and innocent.
i liiiiiiiiiiiiike.
haha.
there was this time when we were all sitting on the grass patch, waiting for our turn to take the flying fox ride, zhu hao sat alone at one spot and making a lot of sounds.
so i asked him if he was okay and he replied
"i am trying to make my voice sound like a guy when i scream"
cause all the guys teased him during the hiking, he screamed like a girl with high pitch when he saw insects or flying things.
hahahahaha. and the tone was so cute.
omg hes damn cute, you should try to spend four days with him.
:D

k, where was i?
oh, hiking!
it was somehow disappointing cause i didnt get to see any wild boars.
i was hoping to see one so that i could pretend to be fainted from getting scared by it and they would carry me all the way to the campsite so i wouldnt have to walk all the way back.
but i didnt see any.
:(

then dinner like the previous day.
some of the girls and boys ran away like the previous day.
supper like the previous day too.
we had to eat four times a day, including supper, during the camp.
thats why i think i gained.
haihhh.

star gazing after settling everything.
fong shared stories with me.
i like listening to stories.
:D

omg, im tired of typing alr.
went to imm with my girls after school today and walked walked until legs broke.
-.-
but idc, as long as im with them, im happy enough.
tmr im gonna continue cause the last day of camp was so fun and i feel that i have to share.
HAHA.

fahmi waited for me at school after i went back from camp to send me home.
headed to mac straight from school cause i needed to eat at mac!
thank you fahmi for accompanying me and carrying my 4kg heavy backpack and thank youuuuuuuuuuu for giving me three kinder buenos!
he knows me the best.
HAHA.
i ate vigorously, refusing to care about who was looking at me with a weird facial expression.
im a happy girl. hahaha.

and today, the first two periods were free periods.
sat with lala, iqin and fatin at the corridor outside classroom.
sat on the floor i meant.
and we talked and laughed all the way.
ooooooooooooooohh i love them.

last but not least, i miss running although i cannot run.
the girls and i skipped netball training today.
i mean, we could hardly drag our feet to school, let alone netball training.
haha.

and i want to get tanned!
:(

gonna buy the tanning oil soon and sunbathe until my flesh become so crispy.
i was lying, obviously.
hahaha.

gosh. i just logged in and this was what i found.
any kind souls willing to help me?
cause facebook is so damn slow and it annoys me to confirm them one by one.

tea bags.

2009-05-21T18:54:00.002+08:00

cheekycheekyboomboomalalaboomboom!
:D

im back yo!
miss me?!
heh~

idk how to start, idk how i should decribe the camp, idk how.
the camp was... great.
it was tough and torturing.

i wasnt burnt by the sun or got any mosquito bites while my friends legs look like singapore flag alr or whatever, i was so proud.
until around four hours ago, i was 30m above the ground, (idk how many meters but i know the tower was 3-storey high so i assume that one storey is 10m high eventhough idk how long 10m is) i was ready to fly and scream at the top of my lungs, i was so nervous that i couldnt even think and wasnt able to know what i was doing and tadaaaaa... both my legs scraped against this metal thingy thing before i was set free.
its more to sliding against that metal than scraping.
idk how to explain it but the next thing i know, i couldnt feel anything but the wound when i was in the air.
:(
my pants were torn and both my legs got blue black (red) all over.

my watch, lepus (sp?) got an awesome instructor, fong fong.
i feel sorry towards her for my group had disappointed her throughout the whole obs.
im sorry i didnt do my best too.
but seriously, obs, through fong fong, has taught me loads of new great things i never knew.
shes one of the people in my "greatest people ive ever met" list.
and i swear im gonna miss obs so much.

the most memorable moment was when fong fong brought my watch and me to the jetty at night to look at the stars.
fong fong and hairil, from our buddy watch, switched off all the lights along the jetty.
i could see singapore and the lights and all the skyscraper buildings from a distance.
the sky and the stars were exceptionally pretty, the wind blew so gently and looking at the water and the scenery actually made me tear, a bit.
i remember fong fong telling us this story about peter who entered two different doors labelled heaven and hell.
i was far in my own imagination.
how i wish i could be with my beloved ones there, sharing the beautiful night with them and how i wanted to tell them how much i love each and everyone of them.
its harder to say i love you to those whom you love the most.

im just gonna share with you guys the magnificent moments i had because im so weary now from having only two to three hours of sleep for the past three nights.
and i seriously need to take my long bath.
shall elaborate about this kind of things next time.
hoho.

there was this time when i just finished washing my utensils and i saw iqin and fatin sitting together at the seashore so i joined them.
and they cried and we hugged each other and talked and the setting was breathtaking that it was so hard to hold my tears back.
its as hard as seeing my friends hurt this much.
especially when i cant do nothing except "be there".
just remember that others have it alot worse than what youre having right now.
trust me.
ive gone through all these things.
the cryings, the pains, the loss and everything.
apparently, those things are the ones that have made me stronger. until now.
:)

and i saw lala crying too.
again, i cant do nothing but just be there and let her cry as much as she wanted.
because i know precisely how it feels and honestly, crying relieves.
haha.

i love you guys from the bottom of my heart.
my scattered and tired heart.
ceh. haha.

i guess i have to stop here or else this entry will be the longest entry youve ever read.
although im not sure if anyone has ever read my blog.
but its fine with me.
i love talking.
i havent been talking alot these past four days ok, i was really quiet.
unbelieveable, i know.

im gonna blog soon about the whole obs camp.

and wheres noora?
and wheres money?
i needa top up my prepaid.
:(

2009-05-17T19:10:00.008+08:00

omg, obs camp tomorrow.
omg, obs camp tomorrow.
omg, obs camp tomorrow.
omg, obs camp tomorrow.

hahaha. irritating.
-.-

ive packed up for tomorrow.
im gonna bring qzais army kind of backpack to the camp.
and it has got two wings that when you see me tmr you will go "woah, semangat seh gats"
and i have to wear track pants during morning assembly.
and im gonna bring the worlds most pathetically torn and dirty filthy shoes as i dont want to hurt myself by bringing my puma school shoes because i know it wont be in a good condition after obs.
so if you see me tmr, i would appreciate it so much if you dont laugh at me.
im having self-esteem crisis.
:(

and kind souls out there, pray for me that i wont get eaten by any wolf there.
(i think they see me only they will be freaked out and run away -.-)

this is my first time packing up my camping stuff without my mama.
i came up with questions like "should i bring my pjs?"
i mean, who on earth would want to bring thier pjs to a camp, right?!
idiotic or what.
haha.

and i want the weather and whatever creature there to cooperate with me.
i still want to live and study (ya riiigght) and marry and have kids and gain a lot of money.
k, stop.

so far, packing up on my own is manageable.
except for how the hell im gonna bring my 1.5l bottle to school.
and im gonna double check tmr morning.
gonna wake up as early as 4.30, if i can.
still have to put (or rather stuff) my toothpaste and shampoo inside the backpack.
omg, idk how i will be doing there.
four days leh!
:(

i think, overall, im pretty much prepared for this camp.
im excited, i dont want to miss out the fun.
may god bless me and not give me selenge or kental partner.
:)

actually i have a lot to blog about but i cant recall what the things are.
so i will just blog about yesterday and today.
hehe.

yesterday, met arif and qzai, looked for obs stuff then went to qzais block to take the backpack for awhile.
went home.
i ate expired kinder bueno.
it tasted awful for kinder bueno.
but still, its nice.
HAHA.
shared whopper (sp?) burger with arif.
there was this time when i handed over the burger to arif then the onion dropped on the wrapper.
i didnt know it was onion cause for me it looked like lettuce.
trust me, im never good at differentiating food.
so i sent it into my mouth enthusiastically, qzai and arif were looking at me like idiots.
the moment i was gonna bite the onion (lettuce still!), arif told me something like
"eh, thats onion you know" with a very relax tone.
then i bit it.
i mean, there was no enough time to pull myself back from biting it!
i was immobiled for not less than 5 seconds and i exploded.
hahaha.
oh, they were asses instead of idiots.
stupid lah, they know it was onion then they told me after it went into my mouth.
tsk. they thought i wanted to step makan onion.
-.-

i bought another kinder bueno, the white one, at guardian to replace the expired kinder bueno.
that way then i could be satisfied.
HAHA.
eh, at obs camp theres no kinder bueno ok.
:(

and this morning, i woke up very early.
as early as 8am, on sunday.
then my stomach was killing me so i took like 15 mins to do my bowel a favour.
hah.
was late to meet brother at mac to have our breakfast.
mac broke my heart for the second time.
i thought there was still the 2.50 breakfast meal.
but i went there, the cheapest meal was 5.60 smth.
so i bought the 5.90 meal, unsincerely.
k lah, was worth it.
heh~

then went back to home around 9 plus and bathed.
i was slow as usual so i ended up standing in the church for the whole mass.
pathetic or what.

I GOT TO BUY RAMLY BURGER JUST NOW.
thanks fahmi for the treat and for accompanying me to westcoast park just now.
was in a need to refresh my mind.
:)

my hair is a good girl today but my eyes are not.
neither are my pimples.
haih..
and i drank alot today. bought double choco frappe from mccafe.
so what, there wont be those heavenly things at obs camp.
HAHA, excuses!

and i still love money. so much.
cant deny it, money buys me happiness.
hahahaha.
idc what my guardian has to say, im so gonna draw at least 200 after obs camp.
i mean i need to go shopping.
BADLY. badly.

and noora, please dont be sad for too long, k.
i promise you a flower and a good time together after my camp.
seeing you being like this hurts me, i know cause ive gone through it all.
and trust me, from what ive learnt, time heals.
youre not at loss. at all.
youre young, syg.
cheer up k. im heeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
:)

and facebook is getting as annoying as it can be.
why cant i confirm all requests at once?!
why do people keep sending to my inbox and posting on my wall?!
:(

so yah, thats all i think.
i love fatin, shes gonna share the humiliation with me tmr morning.
hahaha.

ok, i think thats all i need to say for now.
gonna be away for 4 days.
will be back with truckloads of stories. for sure.
:)

2009-05-15T15:12:00.003+08:00

traveling i only stop at exits, wondering if i'll stay.
young and restles,
living this way i stress less.
i want to pull away when the dream dies.
the pain sets in and i dont cry,
i only feel gravity and i wonder why.

yay im going back to indonesia.
im too excited i cant even bring myself to sleep.
im gonna do a lot of things with ayi, i swear.

oh, ive got the best brother in the whole wide world.
you have me, lets go through it all together.
eventhough you dont have time to eat choco with me, its ok.
haha.
:)

GOD.

2009-05-14T11:54:00.009+08:00

i have 1001 reasons to smile.

i have the worlds prettiest and sweetest people by my side who mean alot to me.

there would be no gatria without their existence in this brutal world.

through them, ive learned that life is tough.

but im tougher.

thank you mama, papa, epin, ayi and regina.

theres no word to describe how much i love you guys and how lucky i am to be part of this family.
:)

thank you fahmi, for your understanding plus your ultra patience plus love plus time plus everything you do to make me feel like i am, finally, important to someone.

"havent we promised not to leave each other?"

thank you lala, noora, fatin, iqin, fifah, renie, wani and all the girls who make me stronger from every single hug, thought, smile, laughter we share.

idk how i would be without you guys.

although we dont spend so much time together like how we used to, you guys are still irreplaceable in my heart.

thank you mifdhal, iskandar, hannah, qzai and arif who have been always there for me.

listen to all my endless complaints and keep me accompanied always.

woah, im so... sweet!

right?

hahaha. idk why but im just happy.

because i have 1001 reasons to be happy despite the fact that i screwed every mye paper i sat for.

-.-

AND EXAMS ARE OVER.

HOHO.

k, fine i will shut up and do my homec presentation.

(edited)

ok this is random.
i went through my mail inbox and i found this.
HAHA. i was deleting the mails i received (total was around 1500+! o.O) and the '15' caught my eyes so i read it.
it was from my ex and he sent this mail on our 15th monthsary.
hahaha. i know youre reading this entry.
uhm.. its kinda 'magical' to reminisce that i had a boyfriend before, whom, i thought, was my everything, my life, my soul, my ass. hahaha. k, that ass part not serious lah okay! haha.
live is blind, believe me. hahaha.
i just feel different now. somehow!

its not easy for me to fall for a guy deeply madly crazily fantastically or whatever-ly now.
and trust me, i dont regret having those times when i had you, hae.
it was a great great lesson for me to learn.
recall the pain we went through together, the time we had to struggle to prove people they were wrong about us, the necklace and the ring and the letters and the chocolate and the jacket and the movie dates and the kisses and the hugs and the smiles and the laughters and the stupidities.
HAHA.
i remember the time, after the breakup, when i teared everytime i opened my mouth, not being able to utter even a word, the time when i stared blankly at the happy people from 99 bus and wished i could hold you tight and never let you go, i remember the time when i wasted almost hundreds dollars to buy prepaid just to hear your voice everynight and whined and asked myself why cant we have those things back, i remember the time when i first went back to indo after our breakup and you promised me that nothing would change destiny and you believed that i was the one when you were with her, i remember the time when we cried our feelings out together, asking God why life was so unfair toward us.
and oh, i also remembered the way you looked at me and whispered those three words that changed my life.
i remembered all the 21st date in every month.

and yes i realise ive changed alot.
i always wanted to change.
because ive buried my past a long long time ago and ive successfully rebuilt everything and here i am, standing very very strong.
thats one reason why ive changed alot.
and thats why im so much happier now.
ive found what true happines means by completing myself without having to have any bf.
because i know that God have a very very special plan for me, i still believe.
i mean, i was happy too but im feeling that kind of bliss... you know.
you will still be a part of my vulnerable heart.
im glad i had you and our little sweet story.
(eh nooo seventeen months is not little, k! haha!)

lets go out to a park and start nostalgia-ing someday with a plate of cheetos rice!
i assure you it would be the best day of our lives.
:D

no, i havent done my powerpoint slides.
went to jp because i thought of getting myself a cup of oreo mcflurry and meeting fahmi for awhile.
and ljs failed me.
crazy on potatoes meal!
oh yeah baby i still can feel it in my mouth.

its been so long since fahmi and i went out together.
so yah, he kinda missed me just now ^^
HAHA.
perasannye budak.

k, where was i?
oh, the worlds blah blah fattening blahhh...
only for today okaaayy!
celebrate the day, man!
exams are over.
actually for me, exams were over two days ago.
i was already in a holiday mood.

and i havent topped up my prepaid, my fingers itchy bitchy alr.
:(
tmr no school yay i love jvs for giving us so much break.

and nooooooooooooo i dont want obs camp!
four days!
i wonder how im going to shit during four-days camp!
omg omg omg.
and im scared of almost everything, remember?!
howww!
even flu babi (swine flu) is not powerful enough to cancel obs.
omggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

i love sweet people.

2009-05-13T17:08:00.017+08:00

eyebags oh eyebags, why you love me so much when you know i hate you much more?!
:(

slept around 1am last night and woke up early in the morning to meet arif and hannah.
we went jogging.
its okay if i dont have stamina or whatever thing that makes you run fast and nonstop.
im proud of myself for not being a lazy ass today.
only today.

jurong point to have lunch and library and tissue flowers lesson.
had so much fun.
:)

theyre the medicine i need.
there are just too much complicated things in my mind that i actually cant verbalise what im feeling and what problems im having.
sad.
i dont feel like going back to indo alr, epin is on my nerves.
i spent the whole night thinking thinking and thinking.
although i know thinking isnt a way to solve problems.
EH, IT IS!
k, fine. idk.

science tmr and i dont feel like studying. at all.
i just want to sleep.
i dont want obs, too.
i want to get rid of my eyebags.

and hannahmontanabananabonanza (wth) haha stay strong hor!
im here for you to listen every single story you have to say.
eventhough im not helping that much.
youre yoooooouung. hohoho.

k, gtg!

2009-05-12T22:42:00.003+08:00

i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home!
im stuck.
):

gatria, stay strong.
i know where im standing now.

all the details in the fabric, all the things that make you panic.

2009-05-12T11:13:00.006+08:00

i dont understand parents.
if i come home late, they will nag endlessly.
if i come home early, they will go "woah, how come so early today?!"
-.-

anyway, math paper 2 just now.
was much much better than paper 1, but still, it wasnt easy. at all.
the thing about paper 2 is that one question can cost me up to 8 marks.
careless in one part, the whole thing will be wrong.

ive tried my very best for paper 2.
too hopeless about paper 1.
come back to me oh a1.

i dont want to be lectured by mr seow with that look on his face.
:/
fatin hates me for loving math.
now i hate myself for loving math.
saaaadd.
i dont like graph, i dont like similarity and triangle and square and whatever shit.
i just want to do algebra the whole day. i really dont mind.

last paper tmr, science.
i suppose science is more manageable than math (duh! -.-) despite the fact that i failed my science in term 3 last year.
last year i was a lazy bum loooorr.
im so gonna make notes for science.
i liiiiiiiiiike notes.
:D

by the way on the way bus way any way high way whatever way, went to je interchange to make a new ezlink.
I LOST MY EZLINK WITH 30 BUCKS IN IT DAMMIT!
k, done.
but when i gave the lady there my two and a half year photograph, the only photograph i could find, she asked me to go home and take my recent photograph in school uniform.
my heart sank. 60 cents wasted.
:(

im not excited about obs cause i have no idea of what im supposed to bring there.
and all i can think about is shopping shopping money and food.
and indonesia!

i had difficulty going to sleep last night as my mind wandered around.
ive planned what im going to do in indo during hols other than gaining weight.
oh nooooooo im excited im excited.

its raining now and i smell cheese.

im blessed.
:)

...if i can own this.

GUESS WHAT.

I JUST FOUND OUT THERES NO SCHOOL TMR!

HAHAHAHAHA. stupid or what.

imagine me going to school tmr and no ones there.

hahaha. wth.

i love jvs!

and please kind souls, do my facebook quiz.

idk why im asking you all to do it but it just seems cool.

k, not. haha.

THERES NO SCHOOL TMR.

nyahaha~

little silly things that make you smile.

2009-05-09T20:32:00.005+08:00

its been long since i last blogged a proper entry.
i always post unnecessary things.
its my habit. i talk and think about unnecessary things.
which makes me become a fickle minded person because i think too much and too far.
and thats why i suck at exams because i write unnecessary things, too.
i tend to write down whatever im thinking.
i mean, duh.
-.-

so today is saturday.
i woke up late to find my head already spinning.
i took another hour to muster all my strength to get up.
checked phone, a lot of messages and missed calls.
one of the messages was from mdm rohani.
early in the morning to conduct this... idk what you call it.
all i know is i had to forward the message she sent to me to everyone in my group.
and my prepaid is at its crucial time.
it hurt me badly and deeply (wtf -.-) to pass the message to four people.
ironically, no one replied me.
so i had to re-forward the message and add "please reply me if youve received this message".
and ironically still, only one replied me.
i was an ass this morning so i told mdm rohani that i couldnt reach hannah and the rest was okay.
sometimes i really wonder why in this world did mdm rohani like to choose me as a leader.
oh i know why, she said once that i was fierce.
i am. beware.

then i went outside to have my breakfast after sending fahmi my apology about last night.
i watched this movie about a dog playing soccer, typical story but who cares.
feeling unwell still, i took a bath.
i thought i would faint inside the bathroom or smth but i didnt.
the smell of my body scrub made me smile throughout the not-less-than-30-mins bath.
it felt so good.

had my lunch which was.. heavenly?
all food is heavenly for me, fyi.
went back to my room.
remember that i do everything in my room?
:)

then i opened my science book but my headache was torturing.
i went online to talk to noora.
we kinda had a good conversation about what happened yesterday to bikini.
hehehe.
oh, i also watched americas next top model from youtube.
the models bodies were like, aww.
idk why i said aww.

but i love myself as it is.
i really do.
i watched this video about the americas top model cycle 10 winner, whitney.
she isnt as skinny as the rest, she doesnt have that body figure.
even the judges said so.
but she has this beauty inside which had brought her all the way to finale and what shes become now.
and shes the americas next top model with who she is.
without having to starve herself, without having to undergo plastic surgery.
inspiring or what.
:)

then i went offline and got myself crackers from kitchen.
the crackers make me miss indonesia even more.
sad.
there was a hand of banana caught my eyes so i ate one.

i tried to revise for science but my brain, cooperating with my head, couldnt take it.
so i decided to take a nap.
which ended up being a sleep instead of a nap.
i woke up at 19:22.
was it still a nap?
actually i still think it was a nap.
idk. ):

checked my phone and smiled after reading every message i received while sleeping.
i didnt reply though.

listened to "everytime" by britney spears.
that song gives me the 'feeling'.
i remember listening to britney spears songs everyday during my pri school days because epin bought it and that was it.
if she buys a tape, she makes sure that everyone has to listen to it in car. everyday.
my younger sisters really find it a bliss for having her not around in the car because theyre free to listen to their songs.
gita gutawas songs. her songs are kinda good but too childish.
she has this 'woah' voice which my sisters always try to imitate.
she failed, of course.
and i felt the same way too because i was free to listen to my avril lavigne songs.
eventhough i had zero english, i just listened to it and sang along following the vowels.
hahaha.

k, where was i?
oh, britney spears.
theres this time when i watched the 'baby one more time' and 'oops i did it again' mv before i went to my girl scout class in my pri sch. i was pri 3 or 4 by then.
idk why i remember it vividly.
there are just some moments that i can see clearly in my mind.

like the time when i went to disneyland and i laughed over my sister being lost while queueing enthusiastically for a photograph with donald duck.
no, actually i remember every single thing i saw at disneyland.
how do you expect me to forget the day at disneyland?!
haha.
i love everything about disney.
theres a mickey or donald duck or pooh stuff in every of my childhood photograph.
:)

then i remember the time when my sister (the one who got lost at disneyland) and i got lost at my aunties apartment at queensway area.
i was in spore for holiday as i hadnt moved yet.
that sister is the one who gave me this box of letters and birthday card and phone chain and a blue pen on my birthday this year.
she passed the box through epin.
and those things actually made me almost tear.
shes the closest to me among my sisters.
we eat fattening food together (simply because my two other sisters are skinny bitches. haha. kidding!) we get lost together we get scolding together we laugh like nobodys business together we love math together we share clothes together and we are fat, together too.
:D

ok, back to my day.
after listening to the song, i weighed myself.
in case you havent known, i weigh myself thrice a day now.
hahaha. i know im obssessed.
but im not, its just a habit.
and ive lost one kg due to diarrhoea.
idk if its supposed to be good or bad.
haha.

then i had my dinner at 8.
i ate a bowl of corn and mushroom soup.
with the same crackers.
i was bloody bloated. o.O
then i sat down for awhile before taking bath.
i walked to kitchen again, taking a banana and sat down again.
i still hadnt had the feeling to bath so i went to my room, sat down on my bed, staring at my window.
i kept on thinking and thinking that i decided to bathe because if i carried on thinking, i would cry alone in my bedroom.
oh, there was no one at home when i woke up.
went to bathroom and stared at my reflection.
as usual i smiled at myself then bathed.
they say smiling is the cheapest way to beautify yourself.
:)

i love smiling.

then someone came home while i was bathing and it was my guardians relative who came over from indo to stay in spore.
she has to go to her appointment. chemotherapy or whatever you call it.

then i sat with her in dining room, keeping her accompanied while she was eating.
looking at someone eating gives me the joy.
hahahaha.

and i thought about a lot of people.
about this girl who used to be my partner in pri 6 class.
she was kinda spooky, for me.
the whole class called her 'orgil' which is the short form of 'orang gila'.
'orang gila' means crazy person.
i was in a girls school and life in girls school was a pure beatitude.
it was a state of bliss you think youre dreaming.
i think she was used to people calling her orgil.
we used to be close. we lived at the same area of house estate.
i went to her house until late quite often to play around.
it was before she went demented.
we argued and we carved this line using needle to separate my territory from hers.
because in indo, we often have this wide table for two people sitting together in school.
we had our own style to cover our answers in exams from our partner.
dont want to elaborate or else this entry is gonna be real unnecessary. hoho.

back to her, she sometimes walked and mumbled to herself.
she had this weird hairstyle like olive in the popeye cartoon.
no, i forget how she looked like.
there was this time when my classmates and i played this game in front of our classroom, she suddenly went in to class from canteen, moved her hand and make a gesture as though she was holding a violin in her hand and playing it gently, wholeheartedly.
and my classmates and i went o.O.
hahaha.

but we went to different secondary schools.
i went to an international school before i moved to singapore and she went to this half-government school.
when i was alr here, she added me in my friendster and we talked.
it felt weird but i guess shes become sane.
:D

then there was this girl from my pri school still who was a crazy fan of this 'inuyasha' character.
i think thats what the character is. haha.
then she believed that inuyasha was living with her.
she would open her hand and talk to the air above her hand.
we thought she was talking to the air but she insisted that she was talking to the 'inuyasha' spirit. -.-
freako.

and i think how my parents pamper me alot and when they dont give me what i want, i will feel so demoralised.
but im growing up.
hoho.

these thoughts make me miss everything i used to have even more.
its 21:40 and im supposed to be revising but im not.
its okay cause im feeling good now.
i talk alot.
:)

by the way, 'jangan tegur' movie has left me this eeriness whenever im alone.

if its wrong to do whats right, im prepared to testify.

2009-05-08T20:07:00.002+08:00

i almost teared after every paper i sat for, so far. no kidding.
i lost my ezlink which has almost 30 dollars in it.
i have to stop making any contact with any guy from any planet.
im left with two dollars when i just got my 50 dollars this morning.
im so gonna mug hard to score my math and science papers.
i miss my netball girls, so much much much.
i want to go back to indonesia, ASAP.
i want to spend my next three days with hours of sleeps, food and books. heaven.
im in a huff with the whole world. excluding my mama, papa, epin, ayi and regina.
i know God still loves me. prove it, gat.

i rest my case.

2009-05-07T18:43:00.005+08:00

i saw it coming.

sigh.

im hopeless, goodbye 86.5.

im expecting nothing.

ok, a bit. i cant throw all my hopes away just like that.

but i know whats gonna happen if i keep my hopes held high.

i dont expect As anymore, you people can sing and dance around while reading this entry.

sorry ma, pa.

you know ive tried my best.

why do all good things come to an end?

...

i want home.

mothers day without mama on 10th.

sigh.

2009-05-06T15:26:00.005+08:00

guess what, dear.
math paper 1 tmr and im here, blogging as if myes dont exist.
:)

and let me tell you that i screwed every single paper i sat for, so far.
mother tongue and english are never easy for me. foreign languages. sigh.
geography, everything i had memorized didnt come out. tyvm.
forget about scoring an A for geography. even a C6 will be enough to make me happy.
i hope.
literature, hardest lit paper ever.
i had only ten to fifteen mins to do the very last structured question which cost me 20 marks.
yes, 20.
and ive already lost 2 marks for i didnt do the last part.
its just that hard to answer questions on poem.
i just dont have the poetic soul.
-.-

i can only rely on my math and science. pathetic, i know.
math is getting harder and harder each day for me.
i took about five to ten mins just to solve an algebra equation while doing revisions with noora.
God. tell me where i do wrong.
:(

its not that i dont want to study for mye that i always go out.
its just that i practically have nothing else to be studied.
im too sick of numbers and equations and triangles which make me want to vomit blood each time i try to solve them.
and science, i love you, please save me.

despo or what.
-.-

kk, enough about studies.
im glad to say goodbye to literature by the end of this year.
i hate hate hate being tested on language.
if its indo, i dont mind.

eyebags and pimples roughly explain how stressed i am.
if you zoom in my picture, you will be able to look at my white hair alr.

EH NO, i dont have white hair. i dont.

ljs meal and arif are my everyday life now.
i dont get sick of chicken wrap meal and the cheese and the fries and the smell of ljs.
i get sick of arif talking in front of me like theres no tmr, of course.
joking. hoho.
im not happy to say that i go to jp everyday now.
ask why?
because its exams period.

GOD I KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
GIVE ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAs.
:(

dont, dont give my guardian that bad image of me getting my grades drastically dropped just because i go home late everyday.
dont.
:(

wish me luck, nice people out there.
youre so nice.
gotta mug now.
and i dont have a clue of wtf im supposed to do for art preparatory works.
TSK. bye.

2009-05-03T13:00:00.003+08:00

I MISS EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. DAMMIT.
i miss who i used to be and how i used to feel and what i used to have and everything!
:(

i miss indonesia.
i miss the smell of my house and cars.
i miss waking up in the morning, sitting on the swing outside my house, eating whatever food i can find and breathing in the super duper fresh air.
i miss mama i miss papa i miss epin i miss ayi i miss regina i miss apek i miss my maid i miss my driver i miss my fish pond i miss the smell of my sisters room!
i miss eating loads of food and choco and ice cream and kway teow and mee and batagor and other fattening food with ayi and papa without having to care about how many ponds i would gain after eating them.
i miss playing badminton and looking for the shuttlecock, that will surely be gone at the end of the game, with ayi and regina.
i miss riding bicycle with epin ayi and regina until dawn.
i miss talking to mama and i miss shopping with her!
:(

i miss karaoke-ing (or whatever you call it!) on weekends with amel and iven and tia and carla and riri and rara and teta.
i miss pim i miss jco i miss excelso i miss a&w.
i miss angga i miss eki i miss their company.

i want to go home! CAN?!

i even miss lala and fatin and iqin.
its been ages since four of us sat and talked together, heart to heart.
:(
i miss playing netball with three of them plus fifah and wani and renie and farah and nurin and... everyone.
i miss those times when i could laugh until i teared.
i have completely become a serious and boring person.
:(

i need to refresh my brain!
i want to go back!
please.

all i can do here is feeling anxious 24/7 due to exams and stuffing my pebble-sized brain with algebra and global warming and chemical formulae and periodic table and speed of light and hexagon and whatever shit before it explodes in 168 hours time.
WHAT IS THIS.

2009-05-01T21:31:00.002+08:00

its when you shed tears yet you still care;

its when youre ignored yet you still long;

its when he begins to love another yet you still smile and say

"im happy for you."

2009-04-30T19:32:00.004+08:00

great.

idk what to do.

i cant do revisions anymore or else im gonna cry.

i cant concentrate.

a lot of things are happening at this very wrong time.

and epin had alr gone back to indonesia.

idk if i should be happy or sad.

im sad of course. duh.

but with her around, i cant do any revisions.

so, yeah.
idk.

i care so much about what people say.

too much indeed.

and its us against the world, dear.

i cant do nothing about it.

im sticking to my decision to stay this way.

thank God theres no school tmr.

i cant bear going to school with evil red spots on my face called PIMPLES.

i need sleep badly.

and guess what.

i eat chocolate nonstop now.

i cant seem to finish all those bars of choco no matter how many bars i eat every hour.

because of choco, i dont eat rice anymore.

sighhh.

i want campbells soup now but im too full after eating famous amos cookies.

im scared if i make it myself, it will turn out to be too watery or too thick.

pathetic. i cant even make myself an instant food.

my malay teacher said there are a lot of failures for malay papers.
and no doubt im gonna be one of them.

i only wrote one and a half pages for composition.

not even two when i was supposed to write at least 3 pages.

stupid or what.

im so gonna screw my math, geog and english mye.

for sure.

or maybe im gonna screw my literature too.

cry. die.

HOPELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS.

i cant believe i can be this stressed over studies.
SHIT LAH.

idk whats happening to me.

God, have mercy on my pebble-sized brain.

i still can smell epins perfume.

it makes me want to lose 5 more kg.

dont ask why.

GO GATRIA GO.

im random.

bye.

anyone willing to help me confirm all those requests?

stupid of facebook for not being able to confirm all requests at once.

wth.

1 year older, 1001 times stronger.

2009-04-28T17:51:00.014+08:00

thank you mama thank you papa thank you sisters thank you my girls thank you my guys thank you sweet people around me who make my birthday today a blast.

i love you all.

i appreciate those who kept me company last night until 12am just to wish me a happy birthday.

thanks reza, angga, iqin and imam! hehehe.

thanks to my indo mates who sent me happy birthday wishes.

but most importantly, thanks for remembering my birthday.

theres no sweeter things to do on my birthday other than remembering that its my birthday.

im fourteen.

no more child fare to the zoo.

expected and supposed to be more matured and stronger.

hahaha.

as you all know, i love to eat like nobodys business so i got almost all food for my birthday.

hahaha.

im real blank right now idk why but i just want to thank

my parents, for being such supportive parents in everything i do. the ones who never fail to make me feel that im worth living this life.

the only reason why im still standing strong here, even if i have to stand alone without them.

the best parents in the whole wide world who give their best just for me to be useful, no matter how hard it is.

i love you, mapa.

and i was melted by their messages. omg.

14 years of living and i just found out this morning that my parents can be that sweet just by sending me a message.

"happy birthday sayang. i love you."
i nearly teared.

those three words and eight letters are everything.

and noora, lala, fatin, iqin, fifah, renie, wani for the huggies and listening ears.

and fahmi for the jelly flowers.

appreciate your effort to make those flowers until one in the morning.

i love handmade gifts, they are just as sweet as those who make them.

and nadhir for the best company.

eventhough you always ignore me.

hahaha.

and gilda for the kinder bueno.

i know you understand how much i love kinder bueno like you love jonas brothers.

-.-

haha.

and hannah for the yellow banana!

hahaha. #1 banana fan huh?

ME TOO.

i love bananas just like i love you.

hahaha.

and my gay brother, qzai for the famous amos cookies.

mentang mentang eh.

hahaha, i didnt know he would be there for my birthday.

thanks for making me laugh my ass off just now.

i love you brother eventhough i know you love my sister more than me.

and this trying-to-be-mysterious someone who put a bar of chocolate inside my bag.

not sure who but i have a name in my mind.

thank you so much, k.

(in case you havent noticed, i received all food. even flowers made up of jellies! hahaha!)

my sister missed her flight this morning and my parents have to buy her another ticket. 17o bucks gone for nothing.

i could buy truckloads of clothes and bars of chocolate with that money, man.

im so irritated.

oh!

i want to wish my anak, tia, a happy birthday!

wish you all the best and never ever forget me here.

the sweetest girl ever.

exactly the same date, month and year as mine.

cool or what!

hahahaha.

i love youuuuuuuu ^^

had a little celebration with my sister on sunday.

pictures updated in facebook.

hehe.

we ate a full big bowl of salad which made her stomach ache.

and chunky monkey ice cream from ben and jerrys.

and vanilla cream puff.

and sausages.

and calbee seaweed.

and i forget what else. too much to remember.

hahahaha.

and long john silver + swensens for today.

and my wishlist is now cleared.

only left with one thing or two.

and i failed my descrptive essay.

idk why but my english deproved alot.

alot.
how can i not describe anything when i was supposed to write a descriptive essay?!

i got 4/28 for my content and failed overall by 2 marks.

the marker canceled everything in my last paragraph and wrote down "redundant!" as a note.

i literally laughed when i saw my essay.

hahaha.

its okay. there still mye.

so, im gonna off to do my art prepatory work if i can.

and do some revisions.

if i can.

no longer an option but a necessity.

before that i want to say sorry, from the bottom of my heart to whom i have unintentionally hurt.

and to someone who i tried to give a hint that i miss him so much too but i expressed it annoyingly instead.

just to let you know, i miss you more than ever, friend.

i still can say whatever i like, right?

who i am is not about who i am with, baby.

2009-04-25T22:55:00.004+08:00

"flames to dust

lovers to friends
why do all good things come to an end?"

i will be back after exams, maybe.
forget about my birthday.
forget about everything.
im sick, im hopeless.
enjoy watching me fall.

2009-04-24T19:16:00.002+08:00

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooookk whos here!
my sister! hahahaha.
no, im not excited anymore.
you dont know how excited i was when she told me through sms that she was coming.
i literally screamed and jumped and smiled all the way until i fell asleep.
haha.

i had my higher malay paper just now.
and i swear i had no idea what i was doing.
i mean, two hours of paper 2 were like hell!
really really.
i spent most of the time convincing myself that i touched eraser dust, not lizards shit.
-.-
the last thirty minutes, i was too vexed that i actually made some sound effect and started banging my table.
IDK.

the worst part of today is that my sister got lost.
she hailed a cab after two friggin hours of being lost.
i was like, WTF.
i waited for her at the bus stop like one dumbo.
worse, her prepaid and mine were low.
we lost contact.
sttupid laaahh.
when she reached school bus stop, finally, she was trembling.
haha.
i told her to take 185 from bus stop in front of my block.
i think she got too excited or smth that she actually took bus from the opposite road.
idk, idc.
haha.
she said the ezlink was faulty that was why she couldnt take bus.
EXCUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS.
hahaha.

oh ya, yesterday was lalas birthday.
happy belated birthday, honey.
all the best k.
:)
youre older than me for five days only.
haha.
she didnt let me sing and talk fast and talk loudly on her birthday.
nvm. my day is only four days away and im not excited anymore.
idk why.

lala and i practically told the whole world that our birthdays were coming.
but right now, im feeling nothing.

(my sister is still blabbering about what she experienced just now, giving me excuses so that she wont be humiliated! hahaha!)

anyone willing to share with me to buy an oversized shirt with blue stripes?
:(

i need to revise, like, seriously.
i remember absolutely nothing from sec 1 work and math actually made me cry two nights ago.
with my sister around, i can do nothing but talk and eat and laugh and sleep and walk and shop.
SHIT LAH.
no more As.
i am hopelessly hopeless.

thats why im not excited at all about 28th april.
nvm. thats the use of having birthday before exams.
make a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish.
the 'exams' word really freaks me out.
:(

exams = waste paper = global warming.
:(

OH YA MY MAMA GOT ME SUNBLOCK(S) AND ANKLE SOCKS.
i love her.
bye.

2009-04-20T16:20:00.005+08:00

i cant believe that i left noora for nadhir after school. it left me feeling extremely guilty. sorry honey. no more, k. :(
i cant believe that i didnt attend pe this morning without getting any scolding.
i cant believe that mdm norhani went through the rest of the chapter at rate 200 words/sec.
i cant believe that im putting high hope on my higher malay for mye.
i cant believe that im starting to like malay so much.
i cant believe that jiayi gave me one packet of kinder bueno which made my day.
i cant believe that i have a lot to tell noora but i forget everything the moment i see her face.
i cant believe that my mye starts this friday.
i cant believe that im that lazy, i cant even be bothered by these damn things called MID-YEAR EXAMINATIONS.
i cant believe that my birthday is coming.
i cant believe that im a mamas and papas girl.
i cant believe that im craving for ANKLE SOCKS.
i cant believe that my pathetically short fringe got caught by mr anand.
i cant believe that an insect flew into my NOSE this morning.
i cant believe that chocolate brings me happiness.
i cant believe that the first thing i did when i reached home was washing my face.
i cant believe that i perspire so fast.
i cant believe that thousands people owe me kinder buenos but no one has given me.
i cant believe that i enjoy eating inside class.

i caught up with lala during pe hour as she didnt attend pe with me.
moral of the catching up session:
if loving him is wrong, i dont want to be right.

still.
i believe people can change.
i love everyone.
i want to revise but i simply cant.
so why bother to revise?
:)

2009-04-19T20:59:00.004+08:00

(i swear i didnt know we used the same poses until i looked at them!)
my big big baby who has never grown up.
my number one greatest life partner.
haha.

imagine, she lives under one roof with my other two sisters and whenever she has problems, the first person she looks for is me.
good riiiiiiiiight.
shes younger than me by one year and heavier than me by 5 kg.
hahaha.
we share lots of common thoughts, thats why i love her.
she makes me feel good, even if i eat a lot.
because she eats more than i do.
and again, thats why i love her.
hahaha.
she messaged me just now, ranting like one mad woman.
and she told me about how irritated she is by epins (my elder sister) bf.
and how her kebaya for kartinis day on 21st is almost ripped because the buttons came out as her tummy is too big.
and how she can never finish 10 sit-ups no matter how hard she tries.
and how she pities me for having to run 2.4 km and failing it.
and how proud she is for getting a 90 for her math.
and how she wishes i wasnt here.
:)

and oh, my dear afifah is a small girl who only knows how to eat chocolate and play computer games.

hahahahahahaha.

give me kinder buenos and i will delete this part.

GOOD NIGHT.

anonymous,
if loving you is wrong, i dont want to be right.

2009-04-18T18:01:00.004+08:00

gatria didnt burn the onions during homec practical exam yesterday, such an achievement.
gatria read her malay story book this morning and last night, miraculously.
gatria hasnt started revising yet for mye.
gatria is confused, she doesnt even know what shes feeling.
gatria is gonna spend her birthday with her sister here.
gatria has him.
gatria wishes everyone a good luck, especially my indo friends, all the best for your major exams.
gatria wants to change her phone but its hard for her to throw away her current pathetic phone which holds thousands memories.
gatria wants number 19 for her class jersey but she changed it to 35 for no reasons.
gatria believes in every single word of her mamas and Gods.
gatria wants to lose weight.
gatria needs to save money BADLY.
gatria regrets cutting her fringe, so much.
gatria is feeling an urge to run and play netball suddenly, which is... astonishing.
gatria forgets what she wanted to blog about.

2009-04-17T18:23:00.007+08:00

my laptop is being an asshooooooooooooooooole now. real slow lor.
why do i keep using this 'lor' word nowadays?!
so not cool.
(H)

blogging is addictive.
but not as addictive as bananas.
im still crazy over bee en ay en aya, BANANA.

thank God there was homec practical exam today.
caroline and i made spaghetti and i swear the spaghetti i made today was way much nicer than the one i cooked before.
i liiiiiiiiiiiiike.
the best part is, we made banana milkshake.
eventhough it took me like 10 mins to figure out a way to switch on the blender which scared the shit out of me with its awful sound, i still love banana milkshake.
and i put m&m into it!
it sank!
but nvm, i still can taste the chocos.
:D

and survey after school was cancelled so my girls and i went to the street soccer.
we didnt get to play and it was extremely hot so the girls went to pd.
and i went to jp with noora.
i thought of going home but noora asked me, what i usually do at home when im not online.
then i was like, ya hor.
so we went to jp.
i had oreo mcflurry. woooooooooooah.
noora had this mudpie mcflurry.
i thought noora was telling me about mcpie or madpie or whatever-pie.
-.-

then we walked walked and i checked this gold casio watch price.
remember? the one i wanted for my birthday?
youre gonna be mine soon, sexy.
hahaha.

i also want nokia e71 red badly.
:(
but epin wants it, too.
she told me not to buy it because she will be sad if i buy it and i dont like making her sad.
so im not gonna buy it.
maybe i will buy e63 instead.
but i want e71!
:(
no, gatria. save money.

then we walked walked around jp.
noora made me walk around popular till my legs pained like hell.
haha.

then we headed to jurong west library.
believe it or not, we studied.
yes, we did.
we studies for awhile and whined alr, we are just lazy.
plain lazy.
but heck, we did study k!
hahaha. thats amazing.

i finished my math hw and three pages of my science workbook.
noora studied biology and i was terrified. really.
its like, im gonna study about cells and everything.
i cant barely speak proper english and i will have to write down all those... idk.
k, gatria. enough.

and i had bbq chicken pao and two pratas.
damn nice.
i ate damn lot these past three days.
before the c div finals, i bought like, two curry puffs and one samosa?!
:(

i love eating.
noora, pizza on my birthday k.
haha.

START REVISING LAH GATRIA FOR GODS SAKE.
and selena gomez is exceptionally hot.

(edited)

i miss sitting with syahmi.

IRONIC.

i got scolding from mr seow just now.

being monitored by teachers isnt pleasing. at all.

and guess what.

im gonna starve myself again.

i thought of eating bananas for the rest of the year.

2009-04-16T16:51:00.005+08:00

life is great.

yesterday was the c boys west zone finals.
they beat hong kah, like what the b boys did.
3-0.
nadhir scored one.
:)

idk why im so expressionless now.
maybe its because im left with 20 cents now.
or maybe i want to eat ramly burger so badly.
or maybe because im too happy.
idk.

days left for me to be here are numbered.
im just doing my everything now till im there.
i dont want to think much about it.
i want to be stupid and innocent and plain and nerdy so that i wouldnt know if people lied to me.
so that i wouldnt know the reasons of everything.
i guess this is a part of growing up.

and noora, i precisely know how you feel.
dont worry, life is fair.
ive gone through all those things that youre going through now.
it takes time to get used to it.
be strong, honey.
you know you can.
:)

i had a hard time going to sleep last night.
i ended up sleeping for only two or three hours.
there is just too much to be thought about.
and again, one thing about me is i take things too hard.
so i will think and think and think and once i find the answer, it hurts me deeply.

FUCK, IDK WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME.
why am i so melo?
:(

i should be happy.
cant wait to go back to indonesia.
happiness is there.

what else?
i got back my science test paper.
:D

mid-year exams are around the corner and i havent even started revising
im an insomniac
i cant stop blogging
im waiting for your sms still, waiting for you to tell me
im so confused i dont even know what im feeling

why is everything screwed up?

2009-04-14T16:09:00.002+08:00

ON HIATUS.

if its a broken part, replace it.

if its a broken arm then brace it.

if its a broken heart then face it.

and hold your own, know your name.

and go your own way.

and everything will be fine.

2009-04-13T19:25:00.003+08:00

take care of yourself lah, big girl.
:/
i miss her.

sooooooooooooo, i didnt sleep early last night.
i thought of a lot of things.
and i dont want anything for my birthday but happiness.
really. hehehe.
im wiser, cheh.
i realised i was too demanding.

yay yay, i was fast today.
not at running, of course, but i wasnt slow.
:D
thats why i can blog now.
i like todays training.
no suicide or whatever it is called.

and i got back my two test papers.
malay and math.
i was like damn amazed loooorrr.
first time in sec 2 i scored an A for malay!
i love peribahasa!
hahahaha. such an achievement.
-.-
im so proud oh proud.
yes, i know pride comes before fall.

as for math, i just want to score As all the way from the very first test class to end of year.
i dont care what position i get.
i dont care if mr seow said i should have done better.
and ive decided to quit palm programme.
sorry, im not selfish but i just cant cope teaching people.
its like, i have to concentrate on others when i can barely concentrate on myself.
im under a great pressure, man.
:(
step under great pressure only.
still can go online so much. haha.

and i want to sit in front!
yuquan so bad looorr.
he ignored me when i put on my irritatingly cutest puppy face in front of him.
assssssssssssssss.
im not gonna talk to him anymore.
not ever!
*sticking tongue out*

i love running i love running i love running i love running.
dont disturb me, im motivating myself

ok fine, i will shut up and do my hw.
bye.
:D

there will always be an uphill battle, sometimes im gonna have to lose.

2009-04-11T18:40:00.011+08:00

+ mphosis skirt ad shorts.

ma, pa, for my birthday?

amin.

you know what.
i simply have nothing better to do.

so i decided to blog.
hehehe.

where should i start?
:(

i woke up feeling so exhausted.
actually not exhausted, i did nothing but laughed in front of my laptop screen like one psycho kid.
but i was damn lazy so i decided to give church a miss.
yes, a miss on easter day.
wtf.

the last two nights were so fun.
i finally could laugh.
stomach cramp and tears kind of laugh.
hahahahahaha.
i love love love people who make me laugh.
:D

its been so long since i went online until damn late.
and the best thing is, i dont need to revise anything.
its not that i dont need actually, i dont want to.
and this is life!

and i had marie biscuits for breakfast.
i swear i was like one sick girl today.
sick as in, suffer from a disease. not mentally sick.
and i just sat and stared blankly at the tv screen.
and wandered around the house, from my room to kitchen to bathroom to living room to my room again to kitchen again, like that, continuously.
i miss my house! :(
then i wanted to bathe but the bathroom was being used so i went in into my room.
lay on my bad and listened to music.
still didnt help, i on my laptop and changed my blog colour.
and it turned out to be like this now.
i couldnt find hotter red.
but im nice, i dont want to irritate readers eyes.
so, im sticking to this colour.

and what i did eh?
i forgot.
then i bathed at 2.
i tried to finish my english assignment.
apparently, i failed.
not surprising as i always fail to finish my assignments.
i thought it would be easy as im only supposed to write down three 50-word essays.
essays about our opinions on beauty and stuff.
i always like to write down my opinions but just now, i got stuck.
so i lay down again and listened to songs again, and it didnt help. again.
so i went out from my room, wandered around again.
and finally, decided to stuff my stomach with smth eventhough i wasnt hungry at all.
i only ate rice and soup.
!

yes, that pathetic.
then i continued reading my book, trying so hard not to go online.
i didnt focus on the story but my mind was occupied with chocolate and chips and curry puff.
really.
then i was texting this friend of mine.
my friend said i should buy.
so i went down and buy milkybar and calbee seaweed.
i just wanted to eat smth that isnt plain.
i mean, rice and soup and marie biscuits are PLAIN.
way too plain.
:(

and im happy now.
i still can taste the chips inside my mouth.
hehe.

i want indonesia.
i want my house.
i want my family.
i want my cars.
i want my friends.
there.

its so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

2009-04-10T17:31:00.010+08:00

youre never gonna get the idea of how much i love them.

i was so happy yesterday, qzai came back to school and he said he missed talking to me so he ajak me lepak lepak today so i went to lepak lepak with him and noora today after church as today is good friday.

waited for noora to come with iskandar and iskandar went to his friday prayer and noora came and we went to qzais house and cut nooras bangs and talked and ate crackers and took picts which i will upload once i get them and talked again about this girl and this guy and this and that and everything.

i love talking to them as much as i love them.

and noora had to go to gek poh so we walked her to the bus stop and talked again and laughed (at me) and qzai and i ate curry puffs and walked to one shop which idk how to spell and ate kinder bueno talked and laughed and arif came and we sat and talked talked and we went to qzais house because arif and i wanted to pee.

i always want to pee whenever im with arif, just like last sunday when i wanted to pee from jurong east interchange all the way home.

and we talked and sang as usual and we recorded and amir and noora came and they listened to qzai arif and me singing and the guys played soccer and that was when my stomach ached so qzai lended me his pink umbrella and i took bus.

it was raining so heavily that i was soaked.

and that was how they made my day.

having them makes me realise that i havent lost everyone (yet).

good friday indeed.

i dont know where my sense of humour has gone to.

i can hardly laugh nowadays.

i miss those times when i would cry from laughing too much.

those times when my friends would laugh after every word i said.

i miss indonesia.

and i dont like to use apostrophe.

i will blog again once i get back my test papers.

because i still cant get over the fact that i screwed those friggin three tests up.

2009-04-05T18:28:00.005+08:00

things have been so hard for me these past few days.
but im still not moved.
i need to remind myself for the umpteenth time that things get worse before they get better.
and i want to (or rather have to) stay strong for my parents, especially my mum.
ive vowed.
its very hard for me to forget what i had done wrong to her in the past.
i want to mend everything that has been loosened and broken.
im terribly sorry, ma.
it was stupid of me to put tears on your face.
trust me, im not gonna do that anymore.
thanks for everything.
hearing your voice heals me.
i love you, ma.

i still believe, there will be this one day where we will have the whole world for ourselves.
im struggling here just for you.
i try my best not to disappoint you. i wont.

as i said before, my family is the only reason why im still standing strong here.
im not gonna care about anything else.
because i know, my family will forever be by my side, even when im despicable.
:)

and thanks to those who are always there to cheer me up.
i love you guys.
there are truckloads of names, i dont think i need to list them down.
theyre here in my heart, cant be erased.
hehehe.

thanks for your time, patience and understanding, love.

now i spend most of my days observing pretty people and wondering how it feels to be pretty.

it feels awful to wake up in the morning just to find yourself at the edge of losing everything and everyone.
it really does.
but life must go on.
im prepared.

nothing to lose.

2009-04-04T10:11:00.009+08:00

im just gonna highlight a few things

congrats for b div soccer boys for being the champion of the west and c div netball girls for winning the match against jurong west and jvcb for getting a silver award.
happy belated birthday to renie and vivian. all the best :)
noora and hannah, youre strong, let time heal now. you two still have me! hehe.
my prepaid has no credit still.
i dont want to talk alot, but its my nature. what am i supposed to do?!
mama, youre everything i need.
as i said before, i love myself and my family. and money.
i am happy.

and to _____, sorry i cant reply any of your smses.

so im gonna post it here.

thank you for loving me, i appreciate it so much.

you always make me feel like im really loved,

the feeling that i always need. thanks.

i know we havent talked so much to each other lately.

you didnt message me at all, i miss you too.

its not that i dont like you anymore.

its just that im always puzzled by my own feeling.

i prefer not to say a thing about what i feel because i may say the wrong thing that will lead to misunderstanding again.

i dont want to hurt you.

hurting you hurts myself.

and i feel that everything has changed.

things are just not the same like what they used to be, my feeling too.

just to let you know, if everything isnt the same anymore, one thing that will always be the same for sure is that i still need you. i really do.

i love those who love me, i promise.

i need the love and you can give that love.

at the same time, i need time and space to 'grow up'.

ive had enough of rushings.

lets stay this way.

and i cherish those moments with you too.

im happy to say that im the first. honest.

we both should concentrate on study first.

im here, im not going anywhere.

dont waste your time and dream on a girl.

2009-04-02T18:22:00.008+08:00

dont trust me when i say "i wont blog that much anymore" because i will be loaded with truckloads of stories everyday and i need someone (or something in this case) to talk to.
haha.

i just came back from jjc.
west zone b boys final.
and guess what...
JVS WON! THEY WON! WE WON!
three cheers!
:D

i should use bigger font plus 9999 exclamation marks to make you have the idea of how thrilled i am now.
im glad that i was there to watch my friends making history. i really really am.
i promised mif i would come on monday but i didnt turn up, and he was disappointed.
good thing it was postponed.
we didnt come because we were on the way from netball match when we got the news that it was postponed.
and i made it just now.
it was raining cat and dog at 3 pm, when the match was supposed to start.
i was still at school, considering if i should go because if it was postponed again, it would be a waste of time.
waited for idk how long and consented to go home straight.
minutes later, nadhir called, telling that the game was still on.
i was so fired up and immediately walked to the bus stop.
it was pretty obvious that i was the one who semangat gile wanted to watch the final match.
-.-

it was a tough match, against hong kah. yes, again.
i remember watching c div west zone final last year and they won.

luck is on our side this year.
we won 1-0.
i screamed like nobodys business. hahaha.
my voice echoed, k.
im proud of being such a supportive schoolmate.
hehehehe!

feel sorry to noora though, for losing her poa book.
i laid on it while waiting for the rain to stop.
the pict above!
:(

i think ive lost my voice again.
but i love watching soccer.

i miss the time when i was home and i would watch soccer with my dad every midnight.
sad for him for having no sons.
we would talk and eat and bet and wake everyone up in the middle of their sleeps.
sometimes he would go to bank in the midnight during commercial break and bring home durians to eat together.
i love him. i miss him so much.
:(
he never fails to make me feel like ive grown up when talking to him.

i learn a lot of things from my parents.
i guess theyre the reason why im still standing strong now.
strong enough to not hurt myself.
im not weak.
i dont let anyone hurt me again. hurt me to know that im only their spare tire.
i dont let myself know that i can do everything to make them happy, despise my own happiness.
because i dont.
at least, im strong enough to pull myself back from replying his sms.
:)

talking about sms, i wonder why people love to call me nowadays, when my prepaid is dying?!
dont they know that one sec of phone call equals to one message?!
why must starhub charge me for receiving a phone call?
im innocent what!
its like jailing a murder victim.
right?
-.-

i dont think i can cope with my studies now.
mdm norhani went through the geog textbook so fast, about 200words/sec!
imagine!
the reason is that we dont have much time left.
haihh.
mdm rohani didnt come today.
why must today, when i needed her so badly, of all times?!
the only good thing was there was no practical test.

how does it feel to teach someone who thinks that he/she is way much smarter than you?
the answer is, it feels like when you want to shit but nothing comes out for one month.
:@
i have no idea what kinship shit has with it.
who cares anyway!
but it is highly annoying to teach phil.
he always argues with me when i say hes wrong.
why did he ask me in the first place?!
and not only that, he called me stupid!
fuker.
hes still wrong in the end, and its completely his problem.
padan muke! *nooras tone*
ive complained about it to mr seow and mr seow said just let him be.
i will be the first one to laugh if he fails his math. i swear i will.
so childish, 16 years old alr.
gah.
and he keeps showing off his american (tak menjadi) accent and his general knowledge so that the whole class will be WOW-ed by him.
too bad, im not WOW-ed. at all.
*sticking longest tongue out*

ok, im so bad.
im not gonna teach him anymore.
just wait for him to finish his assignment and smile.
:)

yesterday i skipped netball training.
i wanted to go, but i had palm programme.
when i finished, everyone had already left.
:(

so i went to gym with anaqi.
i did my math homework first before i went there and when anaqi texted me saying that he was walking there, i changed and rushed off.
as a result, i left my phone at home.
-.-
it rained again yesterday.
i waited for him at ticket counter first for almost 30 mins.
went up and downstairs to check but he still hadnt come.
i thought he wouldnt come as yesterday was april fools day.
so i bought a ticket and went to the gym.
i had never gone there by myself, it was the first time.
and i was really lost.

i wasted 40 cents on locker which i didnt use at all.
the key wouldnt come out even after i inserted 40 cents.
so, in order to avoid humiliation in front of public (chey!), i left the locker alone.

so sad lor. 30 mins later then he came.
when i went back home, there were eight messages and 4 missed calls. i think.

i cry whenever i wake up now.
maybe its true that i take things too hard.
they were just dreams, gatria.

an english tutor needed still.
i want to improve on my english.
im starting to like english.
:D

birthday is coming. yay.
ive made a wishlist.
last but not least, i love money, i need money, i want money.
bye! hahaha.

money honey.

2009-03-31T19:02:00.007+08:00

i just attended an enrichment programme after school today. the presenter says its good to take breaks during revision time. it helps you refresh your memory.

but i feel bad still cause i know once i start blogging, i can hardly stop.
im blogging now because i wont have much time to blog anymore.
as what mr thomas has repeatedly said, exams are around the corner and im aware of it.

eventhough im not sure if i can keep my hands off this goddamn thing called laptop.
:/

today morning sucked to the core!
really.
i woke up as usual, but i had to iron my uniform first because i just washed it last night.
no, im not that hardworking to wash my uniform everyday.
to be honest, last night was the first time i washed my uniform myself.
hahahaha.

then when i was already at bus stop, i just found out that i left my ezlink in my bathroom.
i thought i did put it inside my skirt pocket.
but apparently, i dont think!
right, fatin? haha.
lucky the bus stop is just in front of my block.
so i called my guardians daughter to help me check if there was my ezlink in the bathroom and i waited downstairs as she would throw it down if it was there.

luckily, i didnt miss the bus.

two bus stops away from my block, the bus stopped halfway.
at first i thought the driver forgot to stop at the previous bus stop.
i didnt pay much attention. why should i, anyway?
-.-
but everyone made a crowd at the center.
little did i know there was someone passed out inside the bus.
worse still, the bus stopped for half an hour.
im bad at estimating.

fed up, i walked to 99 bus stop and when i reached there, 99 bus just left.
so i waited patiently for another 10mins. or more.
and i was so worried that i took a cab.

now, i just want my friggin eight bucks back!
assssssssssssssssss. it hurts okay.
nvm, eight bucks saved me from one-hour detention.
but i would rather go for detention than paying eight bucks!
its a lot!
:(

then when i reached school, my stomach was fucking empty and my skirt was going to fall down if i didnt stuff my stomach with something.
fish burger made my day.
idk what would happen to me next if the auntie gave me this tiny winy piece of fish fillet like what she gave me on monday.

talking about fish fillet.
remember my post about oreo mcflurry?
yesterday morning, i went to mac before school.
i was sad gile because there was no oreo mcflurry in the morning.
i bought myself a fillet-o-fish burger instead.
$3.60.
it hurts also.
:(

AND GUESS WHAT!
i got an injection last night!
gosh.
i didnt know if i had that injection before (i forgot the injection name).
so the 'doctor' gave me an injection, just in case.
the doctor word is quoted because he didnt look like one. at all.
he was so funny.
i think i will describe it later, im conserving energy so i shall not type it out now because it will be damn long.
if i type out the long sentence, i will use more electricity.
im studying a topic on electricity now, thats why. haha.

the word 'injection' scares the shit out of me.
it really does.
when he said i had to take an injection, i screamed under my breath.
i kept on screaming every five seconds.
he was nice enough to ask me take my height and weight first, so at least i had extra time to inhale oxygen.
i hate the clinics height-measuring machine, it sucks.
my height was only 160 thereeeeee! im not that short k.
then this morning i took my height at school, it was 164!
:(
i should stick to the main topic!
i swear it felt like the longest injection ive ever had in my life.
my mum used to calm me down by saying that it would only feel like a red ant biting you for not more than one sec everytime i was going to get injections.
but yesterday one felt like, 5 seconds!
and i still can feel the pain.
theres a netball training tmr, haiihh.

notice that i dont complain about oreo mcflurry already?
because i had one yesterday and lala had one just now ^^
so haaappyyyyyyyy.
i really think oreo mclfurry is genius, dont you think so?
the ice cream is damn soft and if you bite the oreo, its so crunchy.
so it crunchy soft. perfect.
haha.

i need to revise more on geog and science.
and im not sure if i will get the highest mark for math anymore.
i dont seem to be bothered by math.
haih.
im the worst leader, ever.
is there such a leader who eats chocolate and plays handphone game during lessons?!
hahahaha.
but i feel like i was in heaven when sitting with weien the sweets supplier and syahmi the psycho.
hahaha. really.
syahmi played this deal or no deal game in his phone and i let him play just like that.
i played it with him, too!
x)

nvm. they both are smart.
i need not to worry.

AH SHIT IM HAVING LEG CRAMP.
i think ive overworked my legs.
pity them.
but theyre ugly alr.

this morning i went to office to skip class for awhile and pay my school fees.
i was so fired up to see mdm sarah again.
i miss her so much, man.
when i first time came to jvs and knew nothing, she was there. so sweeeeet.
ok fine, i know thats her duty.
but i like talking to her while waiting for her to write receipt. haha.

but she asked me to go back there on thursday and before i left, she asked me this,
"why so tan?!"
thats the only sentence that always comes out from mouth of someone who has never met me lately.
she was talking to another teacher and she still could ask me that.
which means she was really surprised.
perfect alr, im dark and fat.
HAHA!
why am i laughing?

it okay, im still a happy girl.
and the soccer match was postponed till thursday.
thank God. im so gonna watch.

and what else ah?
i love todays enrichment programme.
eventhough it was in an air-conditioned room which gave my eyes a temptation to close.
but it was fun.
ive learnt a new method of studying.
im not sure if i will apply it but at least, this enrichment programme has taught me something.
and that something isnt nonsense like what other programmes have given me.
:D

and ive known that my memory isnt that bad.
8)

but i forget what i wanted to say.
i have a lot, k.
i better save some space to stuff math and science formulae.

ONE MORE THING ONE MORE THING!
im not attached, k!
i know this rumour has been spread around but can you guys listen to what i say, please?
i was not and am not and will never be attached to him or any guy.
i cant keep quiet anymore.
-.-

and im giving you a chance, boy.
youve opened my eyes.
i will try to love those who love me this time.
i wont waste my time on hoping to be with someone i will never be with.
:)

bye. dont miss me, k.
and my prepaids dying.
sorry if i dont reply.

birthday is coming, its coming.
i want loads of food and money and As.

2009-03-29T20:32:00.005+08:00

the reason why im blogging this is because i urgently need to tell you guys this.
i was reading a book and i couldnt concentrate on the story because of this thing that keeps distracting my mind.
and this thing can make me cry if i dont have it by tomorrow.
so i decided to on my lappy before i sleep and blog about this;
i need an oreo mcflurry badly! *drooling*
ya! that bad!
im so gonna buy it tmr morning before going to school.
idc if i have to wake up much earlier to have it.
and idc if it will result me in stomach-ache in the morning.
and idc if i wont be able to attend pe lesson because of the stomach-ache.
(of course i dont care and i definitely dont mind! i will be the happiest girl of the day instead!)
i just want my oreo mcflurry.
lucky i have noora and nadhir who text me in the middle of this pathetic condition.
or i might have exploded.

so, let me rephrase.
on my birthday, i want my family to be here, oreo mcflurry, tons of kinder buenos and crepes and bananas and cheese fries from ljs and caramel popcorn and flowers and six As and two Bs (for english and mother tongue) and weight loss and sun blocks and lotions and moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy.
:D

heeeeeecck, iqin said no mcflurry in the morning.

killing.

2009-03-29T11:49:00.006+08:00

ive got no better picts :(

i had a dream last night.
dont feel like sharing it but it feels awful to wake up in the morning thinking about everything that has pretty much gone.
:(
even cheesecake and chocolate milk didnt taste as nice as they normally do.

soooooo, hello world.

i have nothing to blog about but i just need to blog.
its an addiction.
im supposed to have my check-up today but the clinic is closed. wtf.
nvm. i have a valid reason, dont i?

i bought a book yesterday.
but i saved the earth last night so i couldnt read my new book as i switched off the lights.
why must it be the day after i bought a book, of all days?
:(

and one thing, i just realised that i dont know where the west zone final will be held at.
amazing right.
-.-
wth is ccab?!
lucky imran has a blog.

i spent my night texting bunches of people last night.
it just seemed to be a perfect thing to do when you have your lights off.

and im blank now.
gotta do my homec poster, art homework, revisions.
i dont like math now, math is one hell of bore.

(edited)

eh, really. i cant stop blogging. why ah?

im too lazy to bathe, i still smell good.
hahaha.

i will blog about yesterday since i have nothing to blog about.
haha.

remember the mphosis skirt that i wanted so badly?
yesterday, i went to mphosis again, and guess what.
the skirt was already sold out.
and idk if its supposed to be good or bad.
good because at last i dont need to think about that skirt anymore.
bad because i cant have it on my birthday.
:/

talking about birthday, im counting down now.
yay! hahaha.
i love april, i just do.
even if my birthday wasnt in april, i would still like april.
idk why. hahaha.
28, people!
:D

it scares me to think how different i am now.
i mean, if compared to 2007 or 2008 gatria, im so different.
what seemed good for me last year, now isnt even close to good.
and please, x, dont talk about what has happened in past.
because im living my life to the fullest now, ive learnt from my mistakes in the past.
and i hate it when you remind me about those times we had.
honestly, it makes me feel dumb. i dont wish to have those times. really.
ive moved on, you should, too.
cant you see it?

anddddddddddd, i ate caramel popcorn yesterday! my love ^^
kfc for lunch and chicken salad for dinner.
and i dont dare to weigh myself now.
hahahaha.

tmr pe.
and miraculously, i kind of like running now.
kind of.
really. like and can are two different things k.
haha.

on my birthday, i want my family to be here, tons of kinder buenos and crepes and bananas and cheese fries from ljs and caramel popcorn and flowers and six As and two Bs (for english and mother tongue) and weight loss and sun blocks and lotions and moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy.
:D

i really think i should make this clear.
i am not attached to anyone. im not double, im single.
so whoever has made the rumour of me 'going out' with this particular guy, fuk you.
dont tell me if i walk with my dad, you will say i stead with my dad.
its just a walk.
-.-

i seriously need a slap on the face for using cussing words and refusing to get my butt off of the bed.
revisions await.

2009-03-28T11:24:00.006+08:00

gatria has finally given up.
remember when people say, love the one who loves you?
im loving those who love me.
give it a chance, gatria.
stop looking into his eyes, hoping that his eyes would be opened to see how you love him.
stop keeping the wound that makes you cry yourself everynight to sleep and makes you hard to breathe in every second you got.
what good it does to you to hurt yourself like this?
you know hes just another fairytale.
get over it.
youre strong. :)
its just not right to be happy when hes with you just when he has no one.
having you as my friend is enough.
i dont want more.

gatria is off to buy a book. yay

2009-03-27T20:30:00.007+08:00

yay yay gatria is itchy to blog.
hahahaha.

im so in love with today.

first, i always love fridays.
who doesnt?! haha.
we go home earlier on friday.
and there are two hours of homec and one hour of science and math on friday.
three of them are my favourites! :D

and today i burnt fats, hahaha.
there was natball.
shant elaborate on that part, fuk you umpire!
may all our curse have been thrown to you.
*sticks tongue out*

after netball, we rushed off to MI as the soccer b boys were having match there.
the day before the match they all asked me to come and support as no one could make it.
oh ya, friday is cca day also, not for netballers.
hahaha.

we were so pissed off from the netball match that we wanted to shout our heart out in an opened space.
and soccer stadium is one good place.
haha.
so we went in into MI stadium then we cheered (or screamed!) "GO JVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the exclamation marks must be multiplied by 9999!
hahaha. so fun.
i lost my melodious voice already looooooooooorr!
:(
so sad.
and i shouted the loudest one, as i always do, and as the rest always do also, they kept asking me to shut up.
cmon, we were there to cheer k.
hahaha.
in the end, when i had lost my voice, they started to cheer.
-.-
baik eh korg. haha.

OH GOSH MY THROAT HURTS.

but they were worth our effort to make it there and our melodious voices.
really.
they didnt disappoint us.
when i, with some of the netballers plus four girls, reached MI, they were starting to play the second half. i think.
but because the score was still 0-0, there was an extra 15min.
so goooooodd.
but the score was still the same until penalty kicks.
ive always hated penalty kicks.
they make my heart want to jump out of my mouth.
:/

all the supporters, which were only US (pathetic, i know), came down to the field side, held each others hand, prayed, close eyes, screamed and blaaaahh.
haha. i couldnt catch my breath, man.
but thank God, our soccer guys are so talented that all our penalty kicks were in.
YAY YAY.
every goal we were like, YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!
k, im hyper.

the match was fantastic.
we thought we were cursed because whenever we came to their finals, they always lost.
but NO, today has proven it wrong.
thats why i love today.
^^

and oh, do support the b boys on monday!
their west zone finals. pls make it, guys.
they need your support.
spread the news k!
(i copied every line of what the guys told me. hahahaha)
theyre confident they will make history of winning west zone, i have faith in them too.
its either against cck sec or hong kah sec.
:)

and there was no curfew todaaaaayyy!
whats more delighting than not having curfew?!
hahahaha.
happy happy.
had my dinner with fatin, fifah, suki, arif and nadhir at jp.
so much fun with them. because...
whenever theres gatria, theres always laughter.
cheh. haha.

i want to complain!
i can vomit blood if i continue sitting with phil and syahmi during math lessons.
i can vomit all the organs inside my body out!
:'(
imagine, i have two hours of homec every friday with BOTH of them.
plus brandon during classes.
IMAGINE.
syahmi always impersonates mr seow, he repeats every word of mr seows.
and phil, he always cooperates with syahmi to irritate me.
:'(
but nvm, syahmi isnt offensive.
he always smiles whenever he utters words.
hahahaha.
but still! i cant stand his nonsense, man.

mr seow has given me the authority to scold my three buddies.
HAHA. i enjoy it.
:D

as you can seeeeeeeeee, i clip up my bangs now.
EVERYDAY EVERYTIME EVERYWHERE K!
and i dont fancy it at all k.
my face looks super duper hyper chubby.
and i bun my hair nowadays.
:(

poor me, i got caught by mdm rohani during flag raising for wearing ankle socks yesterday.
tsk.
and she asked me to take out my shoes and pull the socks all the way up because she tought the socks were folded?
she insisted that i had to pull up my socks and when i showed her my socks she said i needed to buy a new pair of socks by recess time?!
:@

but i still love mdm rohani.
just because she teaches science, the second best subject in the whole wide world.
cheh.
hahaha.

ok, its 21:25 alr and im still in my pe tshirt and clipped up bangs and oily face.
see how lazy i am.

im buying a new booooooookkk!
:D

eeeeeeeeeeeeeehh, one more thing before i bathe!
I LOVE MONEY.
MONEY CAN MAKE WORLD GO AROUND.
MONEY CAN BUY ME HAPPINESS.
for the first time, or second time i think, i agree with syahmi.
:)

i love dictionaries and thesaurus.

2009-03-26T19:13:00.004+08:00

yay yay blogger i love yooooooooouu ^^
k, so random. haha.

ive gone nuts over this movie, so cool laaaahh.
its about this girl, who went against her parents who didnt give approval about her boyfriend then they led their lives rebelliously.
smoke, drugs, sex and stuffs.
but their love was damn strong that they were willing to do anything to be happy, together.
NICE NICE, I LIKE.
the girl is so hooooottt. shes a model.
:/

today was fun. everyday is fun for me. hehe.
netball match, they really did an awesome game.
i like. hehe.

eh, im so boring right.
i am bored and i am boring when im bored. wtf.

k, i will start with... global warming! hahaha.
dont teachers have the idea of how important it is to not waste paper?!
my new literature teacher, whose face is like chicken pao (im so mean!), kept on giving us papers.
and one paper consists of four slides with unnecessary words in each slide.
unnecessary as in, we have already learnt those topics for zillions times!
and once he gives out the papers, he gives out like 5 pieces of papers for everyone.
STUPID RIGHT.
at least he can minimize the font or something right, instead of using 18 or 20.
:(

so saaadd.
but i hate myself also!
whenever i write something on a piece of foolscap paper and my handwriting sucks, i will turn to the next page and rewrite.
the next thing i will do is throw the paper or just fold it and place it somewhere inside my book or bag.
IM SO BAD.
but im aware, at least. im trying to cut down on using papers.
:D

talking about foolscap, mdm lorena also uses a lot of my foolscap papers.
we all have to do comprehension on a foolscap paper and between every question, we have to leave at least three lines.
so saaaadd.
i love doing assignments during mother tongue class, it kills time.
really, i never lose track of time during mother tongue class.
every 5 or 10 mins, i will ask my partner the same question;
"what time uh?"
hahaha!
sadly, i cant go to toilet during mother tongue class.
:(
idk how to ask in malay! really.
the only teacher i rarely talk to is mdm lorena, because if i talk in english to her, its like... no respect.
:(
lucky i have iqin. hahahaha.
whenever i want to go to toilet, i will ask her "how to say in malay?!"
hahaha. but it makes no difference still, mdm lorena can hardly understand me so she will ask me what i want and i will have to say it in english.
whatever -.-

in case you havent known yet, im the toilet ghost. hahaha.
i always go to toilet every one hour.
when teachers dont let me, i will go "pleeaaase, i cant control my bladder! *jogs on the spot*"
or "i need to refill my water bottle lah, cher. i cant survive without drinking *sad face*"
HEHEHEHE.

those who are in 1n2, 1c and 1a will find my face so familiar as i always walk pass their classes and smile all the way. hahahaha.

im just weird, smiling makes me happy.
even if smiling hurts my cheeks muscles.
cos when i dont smile i look... hideous?!
:o

and guess whaaaattt!
i finished 4 packets of sweets within 10 mins.
i loovee loovveeee sweeeeets!
sweets wake me up in the middle of the lesson.
hahaha.
i love my new literature teacher for always giving me and my classmates sweets.
:D
thats the only thing i like about him, i think.

and im sad im influenced by singaporeans.
first time i came to singapore, i noticed my friends like to say "eh lend me this ah." instead of "can i borrow this?"
i found it so rude but this morning i was upset when i realised i said "eh lend me your correction tape eh." to my friend.
GOOOSSH. im rude.
and i have this habit of borrowing peoples pens or pencils or correction tapes or rulers or erasers or foolscaps when i have mine.
im just plain lazy. even when my pencil case is just 5 cm away from me.
i would choose to take from fatins pencil case thats opened.
HAHA. see!
im too lazy to even unzip my pencil case.
might as well dont bring pencil case to school right.
-.-

i like PALM programme now.
hahaha. i just need to sit and guide people doing their math and i can gain 10 free cip hours for doing that. most of the time, i chit chat with weien.
plus, i have an excuse to be late for netball training on wednesdays.
HEHE.
its just fun.

and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! tmr is fridaaayy!
thank God its friday.
but the c girls have another match at hillgrove sec.
wish us all the best, i have confidence in c girls.
:D
hehehe.
im sad on the other hand, i cant support the soccer boys in their semis.
haiiiihh, i want to, but i cant. sorry.
nevermind, jvs can do it.
GO JVS GO.

k, lame.

its alr 20:10 and i havent even bathed.
im sticky.

bye, prettyheads.

"aku udah mutusin, aku nggak bakal milih siapa siapa."
dan karena gue sayang banget sama lo, gue enggak peduli betapa sakit, betapa banyak aer mata yg mesti gue tangisi.
and how much it takes to have you here by my side.
dan karena cuma suara lo yg gue butuh, cuma mata lo yg pengen gue liat, cuma tubuh lo yg pengen gue peluk.
cuma lo yg bisa bikin gue senyum.
gue janji, gue akan ngelakuin apapun itu untuk tetep milikki lo di sini, untuk buat tetep lo ngerasa kalo lo yg terbaek. just like what you always do to me.
gue bakal terus bertahan, walaupun gue tau, gue nggak akan pernah bisa jadi dia.
walaupun gue tau, gue bukan siapa siapa buat lo.
walaupun gue tau, gue bukan everything you need dan spare tire nya lo.
i do this because of one reason, i dont want to ever lose you.
:)

i like those lines.

2009-03-24T16:50:00.001+08:00

do you really have to go?
:'(

2009-03-23T20:01:00.004+08:00

as you can seeeeeee, i got my bangs already! yay. i look fuking ugly lor, but its okay.
gatria doesnt care anymore. she is too happy to be sad over her stupid looks.
:D

anywaaaayy. i skipped training today, the sun was killing me.
so yah. attempted to do my science homework while the rests were on training.
but i did only one question and my mind turned blank. hahaha.

so i went home earlier and decided to get my bangs at what fatin called "central" (?!)
i keep on repeating the same mistake whenever i go for haircut.
i always tell the hairdresser to cut my fringe above my eyebrows.
stupppiiiiiiiiiiiiiidd.

its okay.
haha.

its very distressing how i need to eat every one hour.
if i list down what i ate today, youre not gonna believe me.
so i wont.
gosh. ive gained another kg and im very sad.
because im a happy girl, my sad shall be your happy. my happy shall be your... WOW.
ok, merepek.

i will be on hiatus, people.
needa revise some work.
one month left before mid-year exams and im terribly frightened.
i cant seem to get 6 As anymore.
haihh. and napfa (sp?) test is freaking me out.
shit.

bye, sweet people.
and if you have any bad comments about me, keep them to yourselves k, honey.
im not gonna give a damn.
i love myself, remember?
(hahahahaha)

eh, i forget.
i love love looove my parents.
ive got the best parents in the whole wide world.
8D
thank you, pa, ma.
i lovveee you.
(L)

gratitude.

2009-03-22T15:56:00.003+08:00

gatria is really sorry.
i do this for a reason, ive made up my mind.
i love myself more than anything else in this world.
sorry for ignoring you.
sorry for making you tired of waiting for me.
sorry for having given you false hopes.
sorry for not being able to say those three words back to you.
sorry for everything i do.
sorry for judging you too much.
sooooooooooooooooooorry.
please, let me go.
cant you see that im avoiding you?!
why cant you just let go of my hands when it was obvious that i was trying so hard to pull them back?
why cant you just leave me alone and move on?
please, let me go.

ok, so gatria is happy now.
she doesnt want any guys in his life.
thank you for your patience, time and understanding.
:D

anywwaaaaaaaaaaayy. tmr was movie day with hannah and arif.
oh, fahmi tagged along too.
i got to eat at ljs, like, finally!
my stomach was damn full and it couldnt take food anymore but i still kept on stuffing it with more food and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. ive gained another kg.
but its okay. i feel satisfied.
school starts tmr okaayy, i need to bribe myself with food first.
hahaha.

i like sweet popcorn. i like sweet stuff.
:D

so we watched hotel for dogs. the story was so touching.
i almost cried during the last part.
HAHA.
window shopped after that.
i know you get bored of me saying this but..
i really want that mphosis skirt badlyyy!

please please pleaseeeeeeee, mama!
but i dont dare to ask my parents because once they allow me to buy it, i will feel guilty.
haiih.
k, forget it.

i like talking with hannah.
i like laughing with arif.
theyre the beeeeesst.
and arif was an irritating bacen yesterday, he kept on disturbing me.
but saying his girls name was everything i had to do to make him stop.
he really misses his gf that he kept on asking me to lend him my phone as i have his gf pict in my phone.
he was, is and forever will be irritating.
but the best. haha.
and hannah couldnt stop smiling after visiting her sweetheart working.
HAHA, i want to have a sweetheart too.
but im loving myself, remember?! hahaha.

then i bought strawberry milk, my looovve ^^

and today was gain-another-kg day
i woke up around 9 then bathed, one bread for breakfast.
church-ed and went to jp to buy soap.
i passed by old chang kee and spring'o caught my attention so i bought one ^^
i love spring'o from old chang kee now.
HEHE. i love food -.-

then at the interchange i saw this ramly burger stall.
i waited so long but no one entertained me there.
fed up and walked to another stall and bought one stick of fried wantans ^^

went home, continued doing my melayu composition.
halfway i felt the sudden urge of going online like i always do.
so went online, tagged people in pictures then blog-hopped.
halfway online-ing, i was bored so i off my lappy then went to have my lunch.
for the umpteenth time -.-
so i ate a plate of rice with veggies.
then i watched my guardian dying her daughters hair.
oh, i ate some fishcakes too!
blame my guardian for cooking loads of nice food.
:(

and i went in into my room again, felt so bored doing my compo so i on my lappy.
and tadaaaaaaaaa.. im online again.
i feel so useless having phone.
i dont charge it, i dont reply smses.
and im lazy to talk on the phone.
SORRY.
but really, ive ignored a lot of people.
ah, who cares.
i only love myself, remember?!
ehehehehe.

and im so happy, im almost done with my compo.
which means i will have tonight for myself.
:D

i miss everyone still.
gatriaaaaaaaaaa wants to be a genius and pretty.
BYE.

dan bila harus kuberbagi hati, itu hanya denganmu.
:)

smile, strong girl.

2009-03-21T19:19:00.004+08:00

im not gonna care about anything else but myself.
i will do everything to make myself happy and my happiness consists of doing well in studies and making my family smile.

i can stop smiling when i remember how wonderful life is.
i know i dont have that everything but im contented enough. i reaaally really am.

and crying doesnt mean im weak.
i know im strong. hehehe.
in my dictionary, weak means letting everyone walk on me when i sacrifice myself to please them.
hence, im strong.
:)

april, come faster coooooooooommee.
i have a lot of wishes to make on my birthday.
and i still want that mphosis skirt badly.
:(
let me have it, mama.
by the time my birthday comes, it will already be sold out. sighhh!
nvm, God hears prayers. haha.

i miss everyone. i miss you too.
ok, so random.

school is gonna be reopened on monday which is the day after tmr.
(!)
im not prepared to cry again over trainings and pe lessons.
i havent even revised anything!
nothiiiinngg.
im pathetic.
k, 9 more mins to 8pm. i shall bathe now.

and add me up in facebook: Gatria Archibald
:D

thank you and have a good night, people.
xoxo.

2009-03-21T09:13:00.006+08:00

ok. now im feeling a bit more energetic than last night. but still. i need a break :(
a proper break.

im blogging while waiting for my facebook to upload my picts.
and facebook wins the driver of 502 yesterday in term of slowness.
DAMN SLOW lah!

why cant it upload 200 picts at once?!
gah.
k, nvm. i woke up feeling beautiful today, like what demi lovato wants.
haha.

i had training yesterday. so again, i needed to force my butt off the bed early in the morning.
its considered early okaaaayy. i usually wake up around 1 during holiday :(
and if im home during hols, my papa will wake me up by switching off the aircon.
i will automatically wake up. hahaha.

training started at 8.30 am.
i ate my breakfast at school and when i just finished my nuggets, coach asked to run two rounds around the school.
i felt like vomitting. seriously -.-
FOR THREE HOURS UNDER THE SCORCHING SUN, ive gained a darker skin.
very veeeeeeeeerry dark.
and ive gotten my big, nono, my huuugge cheeks back.
and im having ulcers, so in the picts, my lips were fuking dry and i cannot smile widely as my braces would get stuck in my ulcers if i did!
so that explains why in every pict i must pouuutttt. *pouts*
and actually, to hide my chubbiness. chubby babi.

training finished at 11.30 pm and i left school at around 11.5o pm, feeling so exhausted.
there was a fitness, my favourite part.
believe it or not, i can cry when it comes to fitness.
REALLY.
im weakkkk :(

was supposed to meet noora and qzai at 1pm but the thing was 185 is bitchy as per normal.
so i took 99 home and the route was so looooonng.
but thats not pathetic YET.
i only ate nuggets for breakfast and i used up all the energy nuggets gave for three friggin hours.
and when i came home, desperate for some food, there was nothing.
nothing for me to eat.
so i quickly picked any top then changed then headed to jp.
i had spring'o for my lunch. what a heavenly lunch.
-.-

and i got to meet qzai at laaaaaaaaaaaaaasst.
oh gosssh, its been years since i last slapped his face.
i miss him like hell laaahh!
noora and he made my day. i love you twoooo.
we took 1o6 and headed to marina square.

and i have a confession.
for those who always read my blog, there was this post when i swore i would starve myself mac meals until june, right?
yesterday... i ate a meal from mac.
im so sinful i need to wash myself with seven flowers water.
i will.
i think.
:D

then we had our lunch, which was my dinner, at the rooftop of esplanade.
i like.
then when i was finishiny my fries, i walked around until i saw the floating platform.
i was really fired up that i kept on jumping and shouting and running and smiling.

wait, i didnt tell where we were going.
hahaha.
ok, we planned to watch nike cup final. our school against sengkang.
they got to play on the floating platform at marina bay! coolio.
doesnt matter if we lost or won. we made it to the final kaaayy.
and thats one heck of an achievement *copied*
hahahaha. im proud of my school.

then noora and i hurriedly packed up our stuff then left the rooftop.
we were damn excited that we couldnt stop running and running.
i think if i collect my sweats, it would be enough to wash your whole house.
hahaha.
i perspire fast, idk why :(

AND TADAAAAAAA, we reached there safely. haha.
we went in like criminals as we didnt know where the entrance was so when we saw a gap, we just went in.
haha.
the B div boys were playing on the field.
qzai was the photographer of the day.
pictures uploaded in facebook.
go and take a look! hehe.
buuuuut, i havent finished uploading. ive only uploaded 20 out of hundreds picts.
told you, facebook deserves to be the winner. the slowest among the slowests.

the game was really frsutating. i couldnt catch my breath.
i closed my eyes during penalty kicks.

so game was oveeeeeeeeeerrr.
i was happy. haha.
shahir joined us to have his dinner at marina sq.
i had to go home earlier so i left at 7 plus.

idk whats wrong but i cant seem to blog properly.
everything seems so random. but who cares.
:(

im so worn out. and i have to meet ayep and hannah soon.
so bye.
im feeling down.

i miss my girls.

2009-03-20T23:36:00.002+08:00

im so worn out. i really am.
please give me a break.
:(
facebook is so slow. and im so sinful i ate a meal from mac just now.
i shall bathe using seven flowers water.
:(
i want to cryyy. im really exhausted and only left with one day to rest.
but one day wont be enough!
im gonna squeeze everything in my brain by the time school reopens.
but fuk, i didnt even revise. at all.
i have myself to blame.
and my cheeks are growing, again. even worse.
k, i will blog about today tmr.
and will upload more picts to my facebook tmr.
i hope.
bye. night.

2009-03-19T17:05:00.003+08:00

CIP today. to jamiyah (sp?) nursing home.

woke up around 7 and as usual, i took my own sweet time sleeping for another hour.
i was supposed to wake at 8 anyway. or a bit earlier.

i didnt know that my day would start with rushing off.
i washed my hair and had to dry it.
it took me one hour to finish everything.
didnt prepare everything the night before as usual.
-.-

then when i went out, it was alr 9:10am.
i had to be at school by 9:30am.
:/
and as usual too, 185 is bitchy. (noora says)
so i took 502 express as it came first and guess what.
i paid 1.70 bucks for bus fare.
FUK YOU LAH UNCLE.
ok, sorry.
feel so cheated loorrr.
last time i got fined by this auntie whose job is to go around and check peoples ezlinks.
and she fined me one dollar because i didnt take the ticket. so that day i wasted two dollars on transport as i didnt bring my ezlink.
thank you -.-

and the uncle drove like an asssssssssssssss.
so sloooowww.
on the way i just realised i left phils love card for old people at home.
at my shoe rack.

when i reached school, everyone was alr there.
weien gave me a compliment. i like, hahahaha.
she said "wah, you come so early huh"
hehehehehehe.

then left school after my arrival.
i didnt even have time to buy my breakfast!
my breakfast was only two or three sticks of pocky.
and thats pathetic for someone who has big appetite like me.
surprisingly, i didnt feel hungry.
:D

we were allowed to do anything we wanted there.
i could just smile and smile and smile to old people there. hahahaha.
eh, smiling at people can make them happy okaaaayy!
hahaha. but being in the same group as syahmi and friends is fun.

phil was listening to this man who looked younger than the rest when i approached them.
i didnt know what else to do after serving them biscuits :(
then brandon told me, that man got in into an accident and when he woke up after the accident, he was already in hospital and paralysed and no one was there.
goooooooooossh. so sad laaahh.
imagine you being abandoned by your family and friends?!
heartless people.

so we performed some songs.
as most of them were malays, we sang this CHAN MARI CHAN (SP?!) song for them.
it was entertaining. fine, for us.
haha.
haffeq took the videos. ive uploaded them in facebook.
take a loooookk. haha.

so yah blah blah blaaaaaahh.

took pictures and blaaaaaaaahh.

then went back to school.
while walking to the school bus, i heard lala persuading brandon to lend her his huge pencil.
lala: can lend me, please?
brandon: no.
lala: please?
brandon: no.
lala: please?
brandon: no.
lala: pleeease?
brandon: okay *handing over the huge pencil*

hahahahaha. stupid laaah, like small kids ^^

headed to pd with nano and lala after buying wedges at school. happy.
there i saw iskandar and ismaaaiiill the cute brother of isks! haha.
so lala and i joined them then we talked talked until one.

and my heartbreaking story of the day starts here.
when a girl with full school uniform went to plaza singapura all the way from JURONG.
i thought of buying these denim shorts (wait, denim meh? idk).
i went there with excitement filling up my heart.
so i tried the shorts first. when it fitted me, i was like, im so gonna buy this!
so i asked the girl there, whatever shes called, how much they cost.
want to know what her answer was?!
"one for $29.95 and two for $30 *smiling at me, wickedly*"
ridiculous right?!
i walked out of the shop immediately.
for the second time of my life, i wished epin was there.
she would definitely want to buy one for herself.
so i would needa spend my 15 bucks on shorts, which is worth it.

so saaaaaaaaaaaddd.
so i wasted like. almost $3 on transports today.
sickening.

whats more sickening is that, noora just told me in msn that i should buy two and gave her one, shes gonna pay me the $15.

i shant elaborate more.

HEART-BREAKING I TELL YOU.

im gonna have that skirt for mphosis for my birthday. idc.
ok, im off now. im so random. shit.

2009-03-18T20:56:00.005+08:00

it feels nice to be doing whatever you want to do without worrying what other people might think about it.

and thats what im doing now.

im living my life to the fullest and im doing what i want to.

ive seen people around me changing and ive had enough of it.

its my turn now.

ive tried my best to make people around me feel happy.

and im sick of it. sick of letting people walk on me because of that.

i know, im weak.

i dont see any good point of sacrificing myself for their sake.

because i know, in the end of the day i will only have myself. and i.

im feeling so restless. pictures updated in facebook.

2009-03-17T21:07:00.002+08:00

im trying to be wise on spending my money now.
shit. i know i shouldnt have spent that friggin five bucks on iced chocolate just now.
and i hate mac. i swear i hate mac. im so gonna starve myself meals from mac until june or july.
SWEAR!
gosh. im only left with 70 and i still have three more outings, have to top up my ezlink, buy a book and shorts and watch movie.
i wont eat out anymore.
bad, youre bad gatria.
thank God my parents are sending me my stuff soon. they can help me buy stuffs that i cant buy here due to this money crisis.
i love you God.
and ive done two. one more to go.
GO GATRIA GO.

2009-03-17T19:24:00.002+08:00

when i come home late, you will say, "what time is it now?! how come so late?!? next time you come home late, i will call your parents straight!"
when i come home early, you will say, "wah, so good uh. remember to go home. so early somemore."
of course i remember to go home. if i dont go home, where do you expect me to sleep?
on the streets?
and can you not use that kind of want-to-get-slapped-in-the-face tone?
seriously. i tolerate it when you have to rise your voice and tone when my face is just 5cm away from yours. can you behave, or at least TALK, like one sane woman?
but this time. you think im what. statue is it.
you can snap at me like im your maid. i pay okay.
and dont worry, im moving out soon.
this place isnt worth my fathers workhard. at all.
i can get a much nicer place with half of how much you charge me.
gah. youre getting on my nerves.

2009-03-16T20:25:00.004+08:00

G says:
*noooo the cheese fries is so heavenly, man
*ya you told me
*what pizza?
Noora. says:
*whatwhatwhat?
*then qzai how?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. noora noora.
youre so F-A-S-T.
haha.

ok, this is my second post.
my fingers are itchy bitchy stratchy and whatever-chy to blog.
idk why.
this always happens when i bloghop.
:(

so yesssssssssssssss. i went to swim just now.
im so happy. yay.
im always happy -.-

i washed four shoes today.
yes i know im super.
so super that fahmi wants me to be his maid.
$30/hr. no more negotiations!
hahaha. imported from indo, okay.

i spent my three goddamn hours of my morning going online.
and i had my mcchicken (!) before swimming.
nadhir wanted to accompany me as he had training today at school.
so we talked2 at mac first then headed to stadium.
he was so excited when he saw a soccer training there so he wanted to watch.
so he watched and i swam.

im plain boring -.-
i am bored lah.
im supposed to be doing my english homework about this cosplay thingy thing.
i dont even know what it is.
but im still enjoying my holiday.
(after ruining syahmis!)
so yahh.

ok i think i gtg now.
im gonna talk to people agaaaaaaiin.
randomly as per normal. haha.
bye :*

I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU, R.
i miss you like heellll :(

2009-03-16T13:29:00.010+08:00

God, please. let me stay this way.

i dont wanna change a thing about now.

im contented enough.

i really am.

i have my one-week break planned.

swimming later and shopping tmr. finally!

had a hell of fun chatting with people last night.

i always talk randomly.

and once i talk, i can hardly stop. haha.

so i had this conversation with my ex.

i talked a lot, i swear i did.

hes used to it, i suppose. haha.

so,

ex: (laughing) youre fucking funny. hahaha.

me: and im funny at fucking.

-________-

and great talking to mr boxer who admitted that my name is cool.

the first time ever he said one good thing about me.

hahaha. anyway, i know my name is cool.

(H)

one more thing:

i want to go back to indonesia! badly!

i need to :(

being home and being around wonderful people there in this super complicated situation would be PERFECT.

gosh, gatriaaaaaaa.

stop whining for goodness sake!

you know youre leading a good life here.
(good doesnt mean better -.-)

by the way on the way bus way, my friendster got suspended. again.
yes, again.
friendster hates me so much. no idea why.
and i hate friendster even more.
i aint gonna make a third account. or is it fifth?
ugh. idk!

so add me up in facebook, people.
i just updated everything, including the photos.

search: Gatria Archibald

thank you sweet people.
:D

no, no, no. never.

2009-03-15T18:16:00.006+08:00

this is my fifth or sixth or tenth post of the day.

please kindly ignore the previous ones.

im a happy girl.

you cant demoralise me. you cant upset me.

2009-03-13T20:25:00.008+08:00

sorry for enjoying taking candid pictures.
this is a habit :D

im sleepy but someone who claimed as my blogs #1 fan is waiting for me to post this blog. so yeah, this is for you.
i a m i n v i s i b l e !

bye.

cheh. hahaha.
today was just another mundane school day.
the only thing that differs today is that i got my progress card.
im happy about my results.
i got 6 As for math, science, geog, literature, art and homecs.
a B for higher malay, miraculously.
a C for english. fuk.
i need 0.8 mark to get a B for english.
blame common test uh.
i'd rather do comprehension than composition.
and thank you whoever the marker was.
you have successfully made me hate you for the rest of my life.
ive never gotten a C for english before :(
but i have an excuse, im an indonesian and i spent my 11 years there speaking zero english.
i always have excuses whenever i fail language. hahaha.
whatever.
got no idea how teachers calculate the marks.
i didnt get to see my report card as i went out with fatin straight after parents' meeting session and my guardian brought my report card home and im on my bed (yes, on my bed again!) and i dont feel like getting up anymore. so yeah. laziness conquers all.

idk how i will be doing next term without miss gan teaching me science and miss lyana teaching me art. saaaaaaaaaaadd.

when i reached home, the first thing i did was topping up my card. then i messaged my mum informing her my results. one min later, she called me, asking me to message my dad about my results so i messaged my dad and within 30 seconds, he called me (just like when i told him i broke my hand, hahahaha) and yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesss, he wasnt happy about me getting a C for my english. i want an english tuition.
:(
but i dont think i need one, someone is willing to be my tutor. hahaha! right, isk?

its been ages since i last talked about life with my mum. i miss her so damn much.
actually, it was just yesterday when i talked to her on the phone. hahaha.
we talked... and i can only say "i dont care about guys alr uh, ma. i just want to love myself and study hard" which surprised my mum.
she never gives approval of me getting into a relationship.
and yesterday she complained to me about epin who spends her mornings, noons, evenings with her bf.
i guess im leading a wonderful life. hahahaha.
guess what, my mum has really gone nuts about michelle obama or whatever her name is.
last year when i was in indo, she bought this magazine and read about obamas family eagerly.
but i thought it was the in thing then, but if she bought a book of michelle obamas biography and stuffs, im speechless.
13 years of my life and the things that i know my mum loves are her family and sinchan.
my dad bought her sinchan miniatures for her birthday and she told me she was going to keep them until she has grandchildren then can give them to her grandchildren.
cool or what uh, ma. haha.

my younger sister messaged me yesterday, i talked to her more compared to my other sisters.
and she said she missed me so much that she couldnt wait for me to be home.
so sweet right.
later did i discovered that she wants me to buy her HSM stuffs from here and spongebob pouch.
gaahhh.
nvm, i still love you honey. hahaha.

i feel so blessed if im close to my family.
ah, no words can explain how much i love them.

lets list down what i ate today.
i ate bread and nutella for breakfast, rice, fries and fried rice.
oh ya, i bought banana milkshake with oreo! heavenly.
im fukin full that i can hardly breathe. cool.

im gonna miss brandon and syahmi! :(

currently craving for a book, a tote, high waist skirt and shorts.
and tissues!
gosh. how i wish that money grows on trees.
:(

bye lovelies. i need to wake up early tmr.
night!

contented.

2009-03-11T19:25:00.005+08:00

"and you're pushing all this back to my face"

this post will be full of thankyou-s and sorry-s.

first of all, i want to thank God.

i feel you inside. im thankful of everything.

thanks for everything youve given to me that opens my eyes to see how beautiful life is.

sorry i neglected You, sorry ive been so useless.

i know that, by the end of the day, i will have it all back to you.

i know you listen to every of my moaning, whining, crying and pleading.

thank youuuuuuuuuuu so much.

thank you for having mercy on me, on my little pathetic heart.

i love You.

i need You.

and thanks mama. thanks papa. thanks sisters.

i love my family byk byk bykkkk.

more than i love math and most importantly,
i love my family more than i love myself.

i mean it.

thanks for thinking of me 24/7 non-stop, i can feel it.

thanks for being worried and caring.

one thing i was afraid of when i made the huge decision of my life;

losing them.

living here without my family by my side is very very veeerrryy hard, trust me.

for you guys who have your family by your side now,

please, dont take things for granted.

enjoy those little things, because in future, when you look back

they will be the biggest things.

thank you so much and im sorry for aways making you worried.

i love you parents.

i love my sisters; epin, ayi and regina.

i miss you.

i want to thank tia and iven.

we are thousands miles apart but it doesnt matter for you.

for me.

i cant believe the ones who are always there for me are those who are thousands miles away.

you two are wonderfully wonderful.

its amazing how you guys remember me.

its amazing how you guys reach me and listen to me.

its amazing that i have you two.

sorry if im so forgetful about you guys.

i didnt bother to even say hello to you guys, i hate myself for doing that.

now i know how important you guys for me.

i love you.

i miss you.

i want to thank fahmi, noora, iskandar and mifhdal.

thank you thank you thank you for making me feel accompanied.

your presence wakes me up, i know im not alone.

i used to think that i had no one.

no one to understand my feeling.

until i know you.

thank you so much for the patience, especially iskandar.

im sorry if i always hurt you guys, i always make you guys tired of listening to every problem i have. sorry i only can complain.

i love you guys.

these people who make it real for me.

ive been spending my prepaid on texting my babies in indonesia.

since i can only send global messages.

that was why i used prepaid in the first place.

and that explains why i dont share things so much with my friends here.

in case you havent noticed, i dont get a big fuss of you talking behind my back or doing whatever i prefer you not to do.

i dont get hurt, i have to be strong.

i AM strong.

thank you everyone and sorry thousands sorry.

life is worth it.

i live my life the way i want it to be.

p.s i need a new bag, desperately.

if im wrong, im right.

2009-03-10T17:18:00.007+08:00

hello world.
i miss you :(

i like this picture. hehe. its a candid -.-
my ex took it when i was doing my hair in his car. i miss him also. aiyooo, i miss everyone lah.
even those who i see everyday.
haihh..

three more days to go.
i skipped training on monday, my stomach hurt so much and i thank God for it. hahaha.
but theres training tmr and im running out of excuses. haha. okok, im bad. i love training, trust me.
if theres no fitness only :)

i enjoy every moment in my life and i cant seem to get upset by people around me trying so hard to make me down.
i dont give a damn about my friends (or even my bestfriends) gossipping about me.
im already used to all kind of denial and hypocrisy.
gatria is what she wants to be. bear that in mind. cheh.
im fine with people not liking me for who i am, i wont change a thing in my life just to please others.
i just feel ive had enough. this is MY life.
in case you guys havent noticed, i dont care about you guys' lives as i have mine and my problems are mine, i dont wish to share it with my friends.
selfish, i know.
but youve taught me something and ive learnt how to keep all my trust to myself.
i know people who reveal peoples secrets to impress others. and im aware of their presence around me.

i want to spend all the time with myself, i dont want to be there for everyone else. im a selfish bitch! ;)

its always better to share things with non-living things.
they dont judge me, they dont give comments and most importantly, they keep things to themselves. thats why i say what i feel here :)
i want to have an imaginary friend. hahaha.
gatria, be strong.

im not scared of pe anymore but still working on how to not fear of trainings.

math is becoming more and more and more and moooooorre boring nowadays.
ive lost interest in math. ive lost interest in almost everything. but not in cheese fries. (Y)
hehe.
ive gone mad over cheese fries, too mad that i put cheese fries as my displayed picture in msn.
haha.

and iskandar asked me why i always take pictures on my bed.
i'll let everyone know the answer. have i told you that im lifeless?
everything i do, i do on my bed.
im only out of my room to eat and bathe. really.
and my room is pathetically small and messy which always scares me out of the thought of mice or cockroach or lizards or any tinny winny bitty insect reproducing in my room.
so once i go in into my room, the first thing i will do is look at mirror then sit on my bed.
i study on my bed, do homework on my bed, sleep on my bed, eat potato chips on my bed, go online on my bed, cry on my bed, text on my bed, read on my bed, sing on my bed and now im on my bed.
hehehe.
and whats more pathetic, this bed isnt mine.
its my guardians! :D

but the most pathetic thing is that ive just discovered that i have to bribe myself with calbee, kinder bueno and another heavenly fattening stuff so that my brain will want to cooperate with me.
pathetic, righhhhhhtttt?
that answers why i always gain weight during exams period.
:(

i like the word "pathetic" :D

my prepaid is dying. i cant reply smses.
im gonna miss the exhilaration i always have whenever this particular persons name is displayed on my phone screen because im not gonna top up my card until the end of this week. or maybe longer. hehe.
oh ya, i want to blog about this little boy who always tries to get my heart by saying sweet things.
he is so honest, he told me he wasnt in front of his computer hence he cannot go and search for sweet evil sentences from web to melt me. hahahaha. good attempt, though.

and guess what, i had ljs cheese fries just now. crazy-on-potatoes meal!
gooooooooooooossh. (Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)
i want more!

my math book is now staring at me fiercely and i choose to ignore it. how good.

you know what my current fear is?
mind-readers :o
i always suspect that everyone around me is all mind-readers.
but thats good. i tend to not lie.
hahaha.

there was assembly today. the talk was about fire thingy thing AGAIN!
it has been talked before and i still remember what mr quek said vividly last talk that i decided to use my precious time in the hall reading passages in my english book.
ok fine, its only an excuse. i never really listen to whoever who does the talk. hehe!
and i read this passae about aneroxia. and ive come up with a conclusion.
here it is:
never in this world will i suffer from aneroxia. NEVER. hahaha.
i can never imagine myself not eating my fave food to get what they call perfect figure i will never have. haha.
i will never ever fast myself cheese fries, potato chips and chocolate. i will never EVER EVER EVEEERRRRRR do that.
and no matter how badly i want to lose weight, i will never never never ever ever ever go on a diet like what mischa boston (or whatever her name is) did!
gross.

ok, im off. irs raining. keep on raining until tmr night, please?
there will be no training.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. how wonderful my day will be.
bye!

I AM MAD!